Sunday, December 27, 2009

Nice Guys Don't Finish Last

Call me Voltaire. I am a guest writer for Love Kudos and will be bringing a male perspective to this blog.

Through twists and turns, good fortune and bad, I’ve learned which traditional dating rules can be bent and which can be broken. I am a believer that much of the conventional dating advice out there, while sometimes intuitive, will ultimately fail at leading men to successfully court the women they desire, or will seek to convince men to play a caricature and lose their sense of identity. I look to help men succeed in their dating lives by sharing my knowledge, my experience, and my passion.

Although most of my blog entries will be geared towards advice for men, I hope that my postings will also provide great insight for women into how men think.

At times I may come across as patronizing, at times you’ll laugh incredulously at my advice, and at times you’ll vehemently disagree. I welcome all of your feedback, both positive and negative. I encourage you to remain open-minded, try things you haven’t tried before, but never lose who you are.

“Be who you've always been, just be this as well.” – Dogma, 1999

One of the most common sayings in the dating world is, “Nice guys finish last.” Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Pain Richter Scale: Put Things In Perspective

Written by Lindsay K. of the Love Kudos duo - LKx2

 We’ve all been rejected in one form or another.  Even our grandparents, parents, and siblings have been rejected.  Whether someone doesn’t respond to your email or wink online, or the person you’ve been dating a few times expresses they are no longer interested in you.  I was pondering why does it hurt so much and how does that pain compare to other longer term breakups? 

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Do you Feel Entitled to the Perfect Partner?

Written by Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo -LKx2-

In this day and age of entitlement, technology enables us to order our PF Chang's meal online and reserve the latest PS console via or a variety of other sites. Therefore, it is not surprising that some of us expect that we should be able to reserve the man or woman of our dreams, with all of the bells and whistles we want included. However, we are not completely in the artificial intelligence age, and we still have to work to find and maintain a love life.

Hence, we face a different dilemma; an oversaturation of people looking for love online, seeking the perfect partner. Ask any of your married friends and they will tell you that they may have found love and a great partner, but their marriage is not without flaws and the occasional blow out fight. Singles, wake up and stop seeking perfection. Have you ever sat down and created a "Desire" list and a "Need" list for what you are looking for in a partner? It sounds a little ridiculous at first, but many times we end up dating the WRONG man or woman, because we stray too far from what matters to us most. Strong physical attraction can only keep you interested for so long, right?
I will share with you a few of my desires and needs in a partner. This is just a sample mini-list and not meant to be construed as Lauren's sacred boyfriend requirements.

Taking things off-line: Mingling at parties‏

Written by Lindsay K. of the Love Kudos Duo- LKx2 

After reading an article in the Boston Globe about making small talk, my memory was jolted to flashbacks going to summer camp for the very first time.  I was excited and scared to go to camp, but I wasn't sure how to go about making new friends.  I wondered how I would be perceived by my fellow peers.  Would I make a fool of myself?  My older sister gave me some basic advice on two things to say when meeting new people.

1. Introduce yourself:  "Hi, I am Lindsay!"
2. Ask them questions.  (People love to talk about themselves, because that's what they are the most knowledgeable about.)

With the variety of holiday parties this season, you will probably attend at least one where you might not now know the majority of the people there. If mingling with new people is stressful, then come prepared to ask and answer stimulating questions.  How many times has someone asked you, "What's new?" and you responded with, "Nothing." You just killed the conversation right then and there.  Be prepared to talk about your latest project at work, gift you received from your Secret Santa, or the fruit punch you're sipping. Also, be prepared to ask questions.  Some sample questions are: who are you friends with at the party, which dessert do you like the best, and what do you do for work?  Don't be discouraged if someone responds to your question with a one word answer.  Keep asking away as they might be just as nervous you are. Lauren K. says, "However, if the person you are talking to is giving signs to their friend that they want to leave, you need to look for these signs. They might not be that interested in meeting new people either. You need to be perceptive."

Lindsay's Mingling Tip #1: Arrive early.  It's easier to go up to and talk with only a few people who are in the room.  If you arrive late, you end up with all eyes on you as you make your grand entrance.  As if you have sign on you saying, "Hi, look at me."  What would your sign say?

Lindsay's Mingling Tip #2: Practice! Practice! Practice!  The more you start conversations with people, the easier it will be and the more confidence you will exude.

Lindsay's Mingling Tip #3: If you tend to be a little clumsy, you might not want to fill a red glass of wine or punch before going across the room to talk to a new acquaintance. Appearance matters.

(An aside: Lauren K. suggests that you read the invitation to the party that day to make sure your outfit is within the scope of appropriate attire for the location and theme of the event. Don't show up in cocktail attire if the location of the event is at Plucker's.)

The ease of mingling with new people can now be used when going on the first few dates with an individual.  For example, the last coffee date I went on was with a guy who talked too much about himself. He did not read the signs that I was "checking out" of the conversation. Perhaps, I asked him too many questions.  He jabbered on and on about his brother's impregnated girlfriend and about his father's failed engagement. Do I really want to know that his father purchased a $20K engagement ring?  He really didn't ask enough questions about me and I walked away from the date not interested in spending more time with him. (He did actually call and ask me out for another date.) Dating is like interviewing for a job. Your title that you are gunning potentially for is: Boyfriend or Girlfriend. 

Remember: conversation should not be a monologue, but a dialogue between two people.

-Written by Lindsay K. of the Love Kudos duo- LKx2
-Edited by Lauren K.


Sunday, December 20, 2009

A Male's Response to "How to Escape a Bad Date"

       From Guest Blogger, Kevin Blanchard 

As far as whether you were a witch with a b or just a woman who knows how to escape from a bad date, I would say it's a bit of both, though mainly the later. I don't mean that in a rude way.  I would describe it as a woman getting out of a bad date, with a touch of bitchiness. In all honesty, I don't think there is a way to "get out" of a bad date without a man or woman being at least a little bit of a b!$ch or jerk!
In the spirit of full disclosure, I have to admit I have done something similar to your story on more than one occasion. When I was in college, I had a system set up with a friend for times when I was going on a date with a girl I didn't know very well. The plan was that he would call me a couple hours into the date to check on me. This was long enough to make it through the movie, dinner, etc. If the date was going poorly, then I had an "out."  Most of my long term relationships have been with girls I already knew, but from time to time, I would meet a girl out and about.

Click below to read more.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

How to Escape a Bad Date

A Personal Account from Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo

I have to preface this blog in that I am not exactly proud of my behavior from the below story. Let me know your thoughts. Am I a b%&ch or just a woman that knows how to escape from the occasional bad date? You decide.

July 20, 2005

I mentally review Jason’s profile on my walk from the DC metro to a trendy new bar in Logan circle. Hmm, from Ft. Worth, Texas, 29, a graduate of Fordham Law School, likes tennis and skiing, and works at a big law firm. I try to remember something unique about him from our conversation the week before, and all I can come up with is that his father lives in Israel and he once lived on a kibbutz. Well, that should get me started.

As I walk in the bar, all of the butterflies in my stomach that were there come to a standstill. There is no instant love connection. He has skin pocks from bad acne in his formative years and his hair is sort of frizzy and puffy on top. As he leans over to shake my hand, I don’t notice any balding on top. Instead, I am shocked when I see an oversized gut hanging over his crème pants. Perhaps, it is a relatively new pot belly developed this summer from wining and dining his summer associates at the law firm.

After the awkward hello and introductions, he begins our conversation with, “I am starving.” “I thought they fed you at the law firm event that you just came from!”
“False advertising,” he said, and proceeded to look straight ahead and ask the bartender for menus.

I definitely got the vibe he was more into getting to know what Cevinos had to offer him than me. I tried to veer the conversation away from food to the Supreme Court nomination. It was 5 ‘til 9 and Bush was due to announce his nominee at 9. I am a democrat, but not extremely zealous about politics. Well, Jason seemed to have the inside scoop and it turned out his hunch was right. His office had been buzzing with the rumors all day. It was John Roberts.

Well, I consider myself a 1st date expert and will try to have a good time no matter who I am with. The topics of the night ranged from having threesomes to what constitutes being a smoker. I used to smoke about two cigarettes a week and have not owned my own pack on non-vacation activities since 1999. So, it was definitely a strike against him when he returned from the bathroom with a full pack of cigarettes in hand. (Aside: I am open to dating the occasional smoker if quitting is on the horizon.)

“Want one?”
“Nah. I did not realize that you smoke.”
“Well, I only smoke when I drink.”
“How often is that?”
“About four days a week. I sometimes go from Sunday to Wednesday without a cigarette.”
As if that is some sort of accomplishment, I am not sure. A rationalization is more like it. He lights up a cigarette in the bar, but blows smoke in the opposite direction of me. (DC still permitted smoking in the bars until 2006).

The date spirals downward from luke warm coffee to a routine dental visit, not horrendous, but nothing you want to engage in more than once a year. After a few more minutes of making idle chit chat and inquiring about his family upbringing, I decide to be silent and answer yes / no to his questions.

Subtly, I slide out my cell phone to text message Michelle, to ring me to make an escape exit. A few minutes later, my bag starts to vibrate. “Jason, I am so sorry, but I really need to get this, because it is Michelle, and she is having some boyfriend issues.” Sarcastically he says,“Of course, answer it, Dr. Kahn.”

I actually can be a damn good actress when I am invested in the outcome. I definitely looked in disbelief as Michelle conveyed to me what her boyfriend Zack did (or did not do). When I got off the phone I was nearly home free. Jason knew the date was coming to a close. At least he was chivalrous enough to flag down a cab for me. In spite of all of the cues that I was not interested in mugging down with him, he still tried to plant one on my lips. Not once, but twice. I gently brushed my lips against his cheek, and then, wham; he moved his face too fast. Lips meshed, but it wasn’t really a kiss, more like a lip slap.

On the cab ride home, I call Michelle to let her know that I am in the clear and the date is over. NEXT …

Written by Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo -LKx2-

Lindsay K. adds, "I've never had enough guts to use the "distress call from a friend" tactic.  I wish I had used it on a second date with Jeff.*   We decided to see a movie of my choice and grab a quick bite before the movie started.  I was disappointed to learn that Jeff forgot his wallet in his car (I was driving) and I was forced to purchase tickets, dinner, and the dessert after the movie .  However, he was able to remember to bring his chew!  I knew by now there would be no third date, even though he kept mentioning he would pay the next time.  The last straw was when he kept making rude remarks during the movie.  I was actually trying to enjoy the movie and salvage the evening. When I dropped him off at his car,  I confidently asked how much money he had in his wallet.  He only had $10, but it was better than nothing. Next!"
* - Name has been changed to protect the person's privacy and anonymity. 

Friday, December 11, 2009

Genetic Love Match.....Is DNA enough?

Science of Love?

Written by The Love Kudos Duo - LKx2

Forget mistletoe - what about DNA? Do you think it is possible to have biological compatibility with another person only based on your DNA?  A company that started in 2007, Scientific Match, is one of the first matching sites to offer this type of service.  They offer a test for $99.00 to be matched with other singles.  Once you have signed up, a welcome box is sent in the mail containing a skin cells-swab kit. The kit takes approximately 2 weeks to get results from the lab.  In the meantime, you upload your profile and photos and take a personal values test. Members are not required to do the final steps, but are encouraged in order to have more accurate matches. (This site also conducts a background check, which from past experience would be an added benefit. X-cons, no need bother applying.)  The owner of the company, Eric Holzle, plans to market the genetic testing kits directly to matchmakers and couples.  He also promises a refund of the $995 lifetime membership if you do not find love.

Ladies, read closely. We discovered after further investigation of the Scientific Match process that women on any type of hormonal pills, such as birth control pills, are not eligible for the genetic matching service.  This type of birth control comes in several forms, including “The Pill,” patches, implants, and injections. Such birth control effectively tricks the female body into thinking it’s pregnant.  Their theory is that we're more attracted to others who have different immune systems from ourselves and this cannot be tested with the alteration of hormones.

Sense 2 Love is another company which will launch in the next coming month or so, that offers matches based on one's DNA, values, and preferences. This company claims "that a better biological match will mean better sex, less cheating, longer-lasting love and perhaps even healthier children." GenePartner, a Swiss company that partners with matchmakers and online dating sites, has run more than 1,000 tests on willing subjects at $99 a pop, and will soon be providing these to Sense2Love. (

We also came across an even more bizarre dating match service, Darwin Dating. Lauren K. says, "They cater to the physically beautiful, and I have a feeling that this site is filled with really shallow people that are probably not all that educated. As someone who is Jewish, it sickens me when there is mass discrimination in any one category."
Here is their pitch: Sick of dating websites filled with ugly, unattractive, desperate fatsos? We are.  Darwin Dating was created exclusively for beautiful, desirable people. Our strict rules and natural selection process ensures all our members have winning looks. Will you make the cut?
Lauren K.further comments, "In America, everyone pretty much has the right to sell any product or service that does not physically poison them, but when I read this concept, I became physically ill." External beauty should only be one factor amongst many that leads to a romantic connection. They actually have a list of attributes that will eliminate a person from eligibility. A little comical, but more revolting than anything else.

'Ridiculous’ idea, expert says

A medical director of the General Genetics Clinic at the Cleveland Clinic, Dr. Rocio Moran, called the idea "ridiculous," and said the science of attraction is too complex to look at only a few genes.  "They are just trying to make a buck," she said. "That if it's genetic, it must be real science."

Lindsay K. believes that love varies with each person.  Some couples looks exactly the same or look similar enough to be related, while other couples could not be more diabolically opposite in their physical appearance.  She says, "I don't think we know enough about DNA to really measure what makes couples work."

What do you think about genetic love matchmaking? Lover or hater, express yourself in the comments section.
For the full article referenced above from MSN, please click:

Commentary by Lauren K. and Lindsay K. of  Love Kudos -LKx2-

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Holiday Gift Guide for the Newbie Couple from Love Kudos


Newbie Couple Alert:

You have established you're no longer dating other people, but you're not at the point to bring your new woman or man home for the holidays. So, how do you express that you like him or her without going over the top? 

The holidays have finally arrived and so has a new relationship. Lucky you! You are really excited that you have finally met someone who you see a potential future with.  You might even want to introduce them to your friends and maybe later to your family. At this time of year, the best way to show a token of your affection is to buy them a present.   

Only you can determine the serious nature of your relationship, so there is not a finite number of dates that determines how much you should spend on another person. However, if you have gone on two dates, it is quite unlikely you have exchanged, "I LOVE YOU's" and have declared your exclusivity. Therefore, this section of the gift guide is for the newbie evolving couple that has been together for approximately 3 weeks - 2 months:

Gifts to Buy for the Lady:

  • Chocolates: Vivo Chocolato (Vivo Chololato) located in the Domain, 3401 Esperanza Crossing, #104, Austin, Texas 78758, has amazing, freshly prepared desserts.

  • Massage / Spa Treatment: Massage Harmony (Massage Harmony) with two locations offers 1 hour massage for only $44.  Milk and Honey (Milk and Honey Spa) is a great spa with two locations in Austin. 

  • Clothing and accessories: Charming Charlie ( is a Houston based fashion accessories company with a two local Austin shops, one located at 5207 Brody Lane, Austin, TX 78745.  Shop here for great items for your lucky lady. Suggested item: Diamond rhinestone key on a silver chain. (You don't have to give her the actual key to your house. This is just a gift).

  • Jewelry:  Austin based designer, Randi Michelle Croft, ( brings natural elements into every design, often using recycled materials and other organic and vintage pieces. Custom pieces.

  • Bouquet of Flowers: A dozen red roses are great, but too traditional.  I think a bouquet of mixed flowers from Texas Bloom ( located 4616 Triangle Ave., Ste 402, Austin, TX 78751 offers a great selection.

  • Coffee or Tea: Primo 360 (Primo 360) offers great tasting coffee.  You can also go the traditional Starbucks route for a gift. Located in the Arboretum.

  • If she's been talking about the latest band or movie, surprise her with a CD or DVD, or maybe even tickets to a concert in the near future. (Lauren cautions: Don't buy tickets for anything more than a month or so in advance).

 Gifts to Buy for the Gentleman: 

  •  Funky toys:  Monkey See Monkey Do (Funky Toys) located 1712 S Congress Avenue, Austin, TX 78758 offers a variety of gifts.

  • Clothing: Urban Outfitters is located at 2406 Guadalupe St. Austin, TX 78705.  This store has great shirts, belts, and accessories for your man.

  • Books or Magazines: Domy Books (Domy Books) is located 913 E Cesar Chavez St., Austin, TX 78702 and has locations in Houston. This fun shop has "phenomenal selection of art books, vinyl toys, and generally awesome books." Quoted from a Yelp review.

  • Lauren K. suggests for the Longhorn fan, a UT 2009 BCS Championship Game t-shirt or hat. is offering Free 3 Day shipping via UPS for $50.00 or more on orders. Get 1 t-shirt for your man, 1 for your dad, and 1 for you. (BCS 2009 Championship T-shirt Longhorns). If he is not a UT fan, find out what his favorite professional team is and get him some apparel. When he wears that t-shirt, hat, or belt, he will be proud to tell them who got it for him. 

  • Shaving Kits, Bamboo Towels, or Italian Linen Robe:  EcoShoppe (Eco Shoppe) is located 10225 Research Blvd, Ste 900, Austin, TX 78759 and offers Eco friendly products like lotions and other personal hygiene products.

  • His favorite bottle of liquor or bottle of wine you shared together on your first date. Make your own wine at Water to Wine ( located at 4036 South Lamar Suite 100, Austin, Texas 78704.  This could also be a great date idea.   

Your present should express that you are very interested and want to continue seeing that person, but not be an overly extravagant gift that sends the message you have already marked your date for your future wedding.  Perfumes and cologne are also a nice present for him or her. I would avoid purchasing the Walmart prepackaged gift baskets, which are a little cliche and lack any genuine thought. Also avoid expensive jewelry (over $75) or anything too personal, like a framed picture of the two of you. The second you start showing any sense of permanency, the commitment phobe will run.

THE HOLIDAY PARTY CIRCUIT ? Are you ready to RSVP as  a +1 ?

What if you are just beginning a new relationship, should you bring that person as your +1 to a work party or a friend's party?  Love Kudos recommends to only bring that person around if they are open to socialize with new people and you have established your relationship status.  Also, be prepared to answer any and all questions the next day when your co-workers ask you about them.  There are also always the people that want to know the second you meet your new mystery guest how you two met and how long you have been together. So, be prepared. If you met online and are not comfortable telling your office co-workers, let the person you are dating know how you feel about that issue. Remember though, it is 2009 and according to a recent survey by Intellitech, nearly 43.6-percent have known someone that entered into a long-term relationship with someone after finding them through an online dating site.( There is no need to be embarrassed that you met online. Embrace your love.  

If the person you are with has a history of being very quiet or shy, or even worse gets excessively drunk and disorderly, AVOID, AVOID, AVOID.  The guest you invite is there to represent you, not to make you a topic of conversation at the local water dispenser the next day.  An example of this happened at a company Halloween party. The co-worker invited his friend to the Halloween party, where they both dressed as the same character, a member of the Blue Man Group. The two looked nearly identical. With an open bar, the friend became drunk, belligerent and then sick in public. Ew! The other party goers mistook the identity of the guest as the co-worker, and the employee got a mouth full the next day at work.  Although these two people were just a friends and not in a relationship, it was still an embarrassing event that easily could have been avoided. 

A tip from Lauren K.: If you are not ready to invite your newbie bf or gf into your work world, you can be pro-active and tell them your company party is really only for engaged or married couples, so you really can't extend the invite to them. If it is a day party, you can tell them the company party is for employees only. With the budget cuts this year, many companies have opted to do this. (Just make sure your newbie gf or bf doesn't have any friends at your company before you dole out your white lie).

Love Kudos wants to hear from you.  Please email or leave a comment of your best/worst presents received or given from a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Written by Lindsay K. of the Love Kudos Duo - LKx2
Edited by Lauren K. 


Sunday, December 6, 2009

Facebook Break-up: Alice and Timmy

LOVE KUDOS can help you with all your Facebook questions,
dating questions, and proper etiquette.

Do you have good Facebook manners? Timmy and Alice don't. Watch their bad behavior to learn the dos and don'ts of Facebook breakups.

 Just for fun!

 Enjoy from the Love Kudos Duo - LKx2 
video provided by 

Friday, December 4, 2009

Facebook Relationship Status ... What does it mean to you?

By Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo LKx2

Lauren K. is now single. ... As this announcement makes your way across your FB news feed, what comes to mind for you? Facebook's relationship status label can bring some angst for newly joined couples, recent singles, and divorcees new to the dating market. I hypothesize that is why Facebook came up with the option of, "it's complicated." However, I always wonder how messed up that person's relationship is when they choose, "It's complicated." (Are they separated, in an on and off relationship, in some sort of threesome, or some other type of arrangement I have not even conjured up?) Out of all of the relationship status options, I would steer clear of that one.

There are six relationship categories Facebook users can choose from: single, in a relationship, engaged, married, it's complicated, and in an open relationship. It is interesting to note that users can decline to list a status, but Facebook estimates that roughly 60% of its users opt-in, with "single" and "married" the most common statuses. The first four categories are pretty self-explanatory, but when should you use them? A Jane Austen of Facebook has yet to emerge, let alone a Miss Manners, and no one seems to have a grip on what the social norms ought to be.( However, I am going to give you The Love Kudos recommendation guide, or rather, a collective group of opinions on the subject. Ultimately, you need to decide if you would like to declare your relationship status or hide it from your Facebook network.

      Image created by Lauren K. ; Statistics from

I polled a few select members in my Facebook network with the following questions, "When do think it is ok to change your status on Facebook from "single" to "in a relationship" status? Looking at the converse situation, how soon after a break up can u post u r now "single" again? Is there a relationship mourning period?" Of course, I will share my personal opinion at the end of this blog.  
A college student in a committed relationship said, "I think when two people are in an exclusive relationship it is either appropriate to hide the status completely or to change the status to 'in a relationship.' " The point here is that you are acknowledging you are no longer on the market. If one person in the relationship does not want to change the status and the other does, this may indicate that these two people are not in mutual agreement about the definition of their relationship. Facebook relationship statuses may seem silly or unimportant, but if it is a big deal to one person, the other partner should respect that. There is a pride factor and you should be proud of who you are with. Also, if you are dating a lot and want to avoid a complicated situation, hiding the status is completely appropriate. If anyone wants to know if you are available for dating, they can ask you. Another positive benefit to changing your status to "in a relationship" is it can help void off unwanted fb stalkers and random old men or crazy cougars.
A guy friend of mine, Brian felt that the label is just an extension of what has already been done for decades. "In the past, people would label their relationships too, but now with Facebook, its not only putting a label on the relationship but also letting the "world" know about it.

Emily Starbuck Gerson, a fellow Austin blogger, feels that as soon as exclusivity is acknowledged and you are officially boyfriend/girlfriend, it's OK to put it on Facebook. But not everyone likes those things to be public -- I know a few couples where they have no relationship status on Facebook, or they have "in a relationship," but it is not attached to a particular person's name. Since some people are touchy about it, I would ask the guy if he was OK with having it on Facebook before I tried to add him on there in my relationship status.
What Emily touches on above, when you connect your relationship status to someone else's, is one reason I am hesitant about the "in the relationship" status. Relationship status is the only declaration on Facebook that directly can involve another person. That puts two people in the social-networking mirror, and that, to borrow a Facebook phrase, can make things complicated. ( I don't believe there is an acceptance option for it either. Someone can hack into your account and put you are in a relationship with another Facebook User in your list of friends. Scary, huh?

Emily also commented on the ADD user that changes their status often. "I am perplexed when I see people change their status from 'in a relationship' to 'single' many times over in a short period. I'm not sure if they are dating one person with whom they keep breaking up and getting back together with, or if they start dating a guy and put 'in a relationship' up too soon into dating someone. I think if you change your status really often it can make you look bad; in that case, I would just remove the relationship status from the profile. If you're like most people, you have a lot of friends and acquaintances on there -- remember that every time you update it, everyone can see it! (There is a way to change that) People will wonder what kind of craziness is going on.

Regarding the option to remove your status all together, I am a proponent of this option if you are newly single, dating a lot, or use Facebook mostly for business reasons and therefore, want to keep your private life underwraps. On a comic note, here is one blogger's Pros and Cons list on the NO STATUS option, written by Anna G. Caliburg.

Pro #1: Perhaps not answering this question, could ease some unwanted attention from randoms in your network.
Pro #2: It simply refuses to acknowledge the nosy questioning of the Facebook profile form. Fight the power!
Con #1: Once the elimination of this category is on the newsfeed, you’ll get the standard “what happened?” comments. And because it’s by its very nature secretive-seeming, sometimes people feel like they’re more allowed to cross the line in terms of potential sensitivity/appropriateness. Yes, basically, you can’t win if you put too much info or none at all.
Con #2: Jumping off the previous Con, this is also one of the leading most passive aggressive ways to get attention from your friends! Everyone loses!
Con #3: What are you trying to hide, sketchball?

BREAK-UPS ... Click below
Read More >

What are your thoughts on the Facebook relationship status? We want to hear from you.Comments are welcome.  

Blogged by: Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo LKx2

Remember to nominate people for  the Love Kudos Makeover. The deadline, December 15th, is fast approaching.  Don't miss out. All men and women ages 21 and older are eligible.

If you would like to purchase any of our service options, such as a photo session or profile update, please see our payment options on the side bar of our blog. Fees are listed.
Share the LOVE this holiday season and purchase a profile update for a family member or friend that may just need a little love coaching. Give the gift of "LOVE."



Some of the information gathered came from, May 8, 2009 and Facebook Statistics.

Facebook Relationship Status: Part 2

Break Up .... How to deal with it on Facebook

So, you have broken up with someone that you have dated for lets say 3-6 months and are ready to get back out there. How soon after a break up can you change your Facebook status to "single"? I have seen a guy do it 20 minutes after the break up was final, as well as one woman keep the "in the relationship" status up weeks after the exchanging of belongings had already taken place. Is there a morally correct, black and white answer to the break up announcement on Facebook? Probably not, but here are some suggested guidelines to follow.
K.S. believes the decision to declare your "singleness" should be a mutual one. "It can be hurtful to see your once beloved partner immediately take off the status after 'the talk'. But may be a good way to solidify your decision. This might be a good case to hide the status. There definitely is a relationship mourning period. It is important to let yourself go through that, regroup, and mend your emotions. It may be appropriate to talk to your ex and decide it will be better to "de-friend" each other. (Refer to Lauren K's advice on staying friends with your Ex on Facebook). Some people decide that that this helps avoid jealously, hurt feelings, and the desire to 'check up' on their ex . Communication is vital in all of these scenarios and in relationships in general. When feelings are made known and two people share their expectations things should go more smoothly. Lack of communication and fear of talking to your partner indicates rocky roads ahead."

To create some controversy, another guy friend of mine, Dan, asked in jest, "Isn't hiding your relationship from your Facebook friends like a married guy not wearing his wedding ring in public?" Clearly, a married guy not wearing his wedding ring is a major diss to that person's relationship and is a much greater infraction than a man not declaring that he is in a relationship on a social website. On a side note, sometimes men and women can forget their wedding rings and there is no malintent behind their actions. Eight days after Ivanka Trump got married, she forgot her ring for her first public appearance on The View.  She commented, "I knew you'd call me on that! It's sitting on my bedside table. I've only been married for eight days and keep forgetting about the hardware. I did feel a little naked and was thinking about running home and getting it."

Back to the issue at hand. Facebook relationship status .... I think I would be hurt if I was living with someone and they did not declare I was their girlfriend on Facebook. When I was engaged, I was relatively new to FB and after a week, changed my status to "engaged." I got oodles of "Congratulations" and felt the Facebook LOVE.

Well, it was a bit of a shock to my acquaintances when I went from "engaged" to "single" three months later. I do not regret declaring my "engaged" status, but in retrospect, I wish that I had not changed my status to "single" the day after my break up. At the time, my Ex was not a FB user and therefore was not privey to my dramatic status change. I think during the relationship mourning period, NO STATUS, is the answer. I think the length of the mourning period can completely depend on the serious nature of the relationship. I was a bit rash in my move to go from "engaged" to "single" and I did not consult my Ex on this decision. I did let him know after I did it a few days later that I had declared my "singleness" to my group of friends, including my Facebook network. "When it's done, it's done," is how some of my friends view break ups and there is no reason to hide it.

 Lindsay K.'s advice is to make sure you are REALLY ready to update your status for all your Facebook "friends" to see. For example, when she ended her almost 3 year relationship with her live-in boyfriend, out of emotional heartbreak and grief, she updated her profile to "single" immediately. The sleuths of comments and emails came in and she had to explain what had happened. It was somewhat embarrassing, because although the relationship had ended, she was still living with him at the time. Now, that is definitely "complicated."  To avoid the difficulties of explaining your relationship status, make sure when you do change it, you are ready to explain!

What are your thoughts on the Facebook relationship status? We want to hear from you.Comments are welcome.  

Blogged by: Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo LKx2

Remember to nominate people for  the Love Kudos Makeover. The deadline, December 15th, is fast approaching.  Don't miss out. All men and women ages 21 and older are eligible.

If you would like to purchase any of our service options, such as a photo session or profile update, please see our payment options on the right side of the blog. Fees are listed.
Share the LOVE this holiday season and purchase a profile update for a family member or friend that may just need a little love coaching. Give the gift of "LOVE."



Some of the information gathered came from, May 8, 2009 and Facebook Statistics.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Don't Go There! Show - A Pilot on Break Ups and New Beginnings

Don't Go There!

For all of you women who have ever been hurt by a man and didn't know how to get back on your feet:
Check out this pilot. It was created by my childhood good friend, Sarah Guzick, and her acting partner.

Contact Info:
(310) 254-7555

Show Info:

Don't Go There was created, improvised, produced, written, and acted by Sarah Guzick and Christine Huddle who originally met in an improv class at the Second City Chicago. They organized a talented team and shot the pilot in Texas. The show will follow the 30 year old fraternal twin sisters from Texas as they navigate the labyrinth of dating, friendship, and career in their brand new life in Los Angeles.


Leah Mable is a free spirited, emotional, dreamer. She has to contend with her ex, dating and what to do with her life. She goes to graduate school for psychology in an attempt to heal her broken heart and gain greater insight. She goes on a horrible date almost every episode.
Kit Mable is bold, eccentric and non conformist. While Leah is more invested in finding true love, Kit is more preoccupied with her schemes and dreams for how to make a living in Los Angeles.
Other characters include cousin/filmmaker Medea, close friend Siobhan, Leah's ex Todd, and our parents in Texas.


Born and raised in Houston, Texas, Sarah Guzick graduated from Columbia College Chicago, the Second City Conservatory, and Improv Olympic. She went on to complete the Second City Directing Program and taught at the Second City Training Center. She finally broke up with Chicago's freezing winter and is happily in a loving relationship with sunny Los Angeles.
After graduating from Cornell University, Christine Huddle migrated westward very slowly. Along the way she studied at and graduated from The Second City, Improv Olympic and the Annoyance Theatre. She is currently crawling her way through the Groundlings.

Posted by: Lauren Kahn on behalf of the "Don't Go There" show.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Princess From NY Finally Met Her Prince

Submitted by a guest blogger exclusively for "Love Kudos"

It was June 2008. Jdate was starting to become monotonous and with the summer coming up, I couldn't imagine going out with anymore J-Duds. I was looking forward to less forced dates and imagined bright days filled with spontaneous, random meetings and booze filled, lustful encounters. But it was a Sunday night, and as I went online to check an email (turned out to be from a redheaded paper salesman), I received an IM from a BB2201. His picture was cute enough and I saw that he was neither a J.A.P. from Long Island, nor a 55 year old dentist looking for his third trophy wife. Score! He had a great smile and his profile made me laugh -- in a good way, not like the usual manic cries that came with me perusing a profile. We exchanged a few hellos and a few more in the next day or so. Feeling confident that he was not a serial killer, we set up a time to meet for drinks. Around the corner from my apartment, of course. Convenient, huh?

When the night of our date came around, I wasn't feeling especially in the mood to go out. I wasn't really feeling up to be all first-datish and vibrant. You know, when you go through the introductions and then each of you shares your  life history/work/hobbies/family. However, our date was for 8pm and since it was already 7:36, I thought it would be rude to bail. Before I headed out, I realized I couldn't remember what this guy looked like. I knew he was cute, but I couldn't find his profile anywhere. Scrolling through my emails and my IMs, there seemed to be no sign of Mr. Date #733 (or so it seemed). Frustrated, I tore through the profiles, yelling at my roommate that I would rather be alone than trust my romantic future in the hands of the world wide web. And then I found his profile. Ew. He had changed his profile pic which was why I couldn't uncover it. The problem was that his new pic made him look like he was 55, not 32 like he listed on his profile. He had on a green striped hat and a goofy grin that did nothing to help this situation. Geez Louise. His other photos still looked pretty good, but I thought, this is always the trick, isn't it?  Urgh. I yelled again out loud how I was canceling my subscription. One last online date. I was still resigned to go meet this character. My mom always told me to "be nice." On the way there, I cursed my luck, wondering how I was still single at my age and how I would ever meet anyone in this town.

I walked into the bar with my head down, and when I looked up, I saw a guy staring at me. Immediately I realized that he was the guy from the other 3 pictures and cuter. Much cuter. Nice. Relieved, I said hello, smiled, blushed, and then we exchanged one of those awkward first date second looks. We sat down, ordered two martinis, and starting talking. One drink turned into two and the night went by pretty quickly. I learned that he was super close to his family, graduated from Michigan (where I almost went), and seemed to have a real sweet streak. We had a lot of similar interests, laughed at the same time and seemed to hit it off. He walked me home and as I was just about to turn to go inside, he went in for the kiss :)

We continued to date -- on and off -- throughout that summer and really made it official when I took him as my date to my sister's wedding. We haven't been apart since.

Bryan and I got engaged on April 10th 2009 and we look forward to our wedding next April 20th 2010. JDate seemed liked like such an unlikely way to find my match, but despite having to go out with a few more frogs than I would have liked, it was worth it to meet my Prince :)

Edited by Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo - LKx2

Image above from "I love Cartoons" website



Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Memory for Faces and Words: Profile Recognition

Personal Account from Lindsay K. of  The Love Kudos Duo

Scientific American magazine in June 2008 reported that women have a better memory for faces and words.  I am living proof of  these findings, and have had multiple experiences of seeing someone around Austin and matching their face to their on-line profile.  On a few occasions, I have actually introduced myself to a fellow online dater who I have recognized. These are people that I had communicated with before, but for whatever reason we stopped correspondence prior to our first official meeting.  Most initiations were pleasant with a quick introduction and laugh.  However, the last time it happened to me, I was greatly disappointed.

Case Study #5: Over a month ago, this much younger guy instant messaged me and after slight hesitation, I accepted.  He was 25, which is a little bit of an age gap. We chatted for about 30 minutes and I asked to be  Facebook "friends" because his pictures were not clear.  (Lauren K. does not advise becoming FB friends with casual interests, because then they have access to all of your business, including the LOVE BLOG of course.) Coincidentally, we had one mutual friend who he used to work with and I even went on a date with.  I showed interest in seeing him, but he reported he wasn't ready to meet in person.  Was it something on my Facebook profile? I was a little confused as to why he was actively searching and engaging in talking with online potential mates if he wasn't "ready." He probably concluded that I wasn't a match for him and let me down easily by using that as an excuse.

Fast forward to a couple of months later. I bump into him at a group bowling event.  Unknowingly, he sat down at my bowling lane table to put his shoes on.  I remembered who he was and introduced myself.  I mentioned that we once chatted online and were Facebook friends. He awkwardly nodded his head a couples times and said, "Oh yeah!"  To my surprise, he immediately moved to another table and IGNORED ME! After a couple of hours, he finally came over to apologize for being rude and didn't know what came over him.

Rule #451:  
It is okay to introduce yourself  to someone you coincidentally meet in real life that you actually corresponded with previously.  

** There is a caveat. If you see your online dater buddy is on a date or with their parents, resist the urge. It is bad forum. You will meet again if it was meant to be.
In my experience with online dating, I think we sometimes forget that the other person is in fact another human being with thoughts and feelings, not just some online profile.  A profile only portrays your humanity to a point.  For example, a friend of mine was not interested in someone online and ignored all email attempts from a potential suitor.  However, when they accidentally met in person at a group function, she actually found him attractive and became interested in getting to know him more. His personality grabbed her attention and the scar on his chin that she obsessed over in his online photos did not seem to bother her anymore.

Blogged by Lindsay K. of the Love Kudos Duo - LKx2
Edited by Lauren K.

Image above from "I love Cartoons" website



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