Sunday, March 13, 2011

He is Just Not that into You ... (FACE THE TRUTH)

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Written by Glamour Magazine
Commentary by Lauren of Love Kudos

Love Kudos' just blogged about a major source of tension that women have with dating, how men shy away from Defining the Relationship.

In continuation on this topic, here are some tips from Glamour to show you when a man is never going to commit to a relationship with you. (Lauren sometimes disagrees with the Glamour Love Gods. What do you think?)

He texted,
"I can't wait to see you tonight."
1. He texts instead of calls, or he texts more often than he calls. When a guy likes a girl, he wants to hear her voice. “Texting is not an easy way to communicate—it’s an easy way to avoid communication,” says Mike.

*Disagree – texting can be a way to stay connected without interruption of work, family and other things, etc. It can also be a personality preference or a generational difference. Guys under 30, have had access to dating with texting their entire adult life. They probably have never even had a land line in their house or apartment. If he NEVER calls, that can be a source of concern.

Marie Claire Magazine
2. He finds reasons to blow you off or be late more times than not. Maybe he’s just flaky or disorganized, you say? Don’t make excuses. If a guy likes you and wants to continue hanging out with you, he’ll find a way to do so. Adds Mike: “I’ll come in to work 1 hour early if I want to get off in time to pick up cooking ingredients for a dinner date with someone I like.”

*Agree - People lead busy lives and sometimes with much responsibility, but men will make a woman a priority if they see her as a long-term potential. However, if you’re throwing a fit because they had to stay late to help someone or break plans because of an unexpected friend in need, then it’s you that needs to take a look in the mirror and grow up.

3. He talks to his ex-girlfriends. Nothing makes a guy forget his ex like a girl he wants to be with. If he continues talking with an ex, that’s the first sign that he’s either not over a prior girlfriend or he’s just not that in to you.

*Agree and Disagree – If he is talking to an Ex-girlfriend, that is single, there is reason for concern. However, there are many guys that can have platonic relationships with their Ex's if they were the ones who ended the relationship and their Ex has moved on to a new relationship. It can be a bad sign or it can be no big deal depending on the unique circumstances. Stand back and evaluate before coming to a blanket conclusion.

4. He avoids introducing you to his friends. He should be proud of you, want to show you off, and want to include you in his life.

Agree – there comes a time when introductions are appropriate, but only when both feel like the relationship has reached a certain degree to do it. Once family is involved the layers of communication get a little more tricky. It’s nice to draw out that special private time, nothing wrong with that.

CASE STUDY from LAUREN: If the guy is truly sure about you, he will want to include you in his life as soon as you are ready. I once had a guy ask me to his birthday party for the following weekend on our first date. I was not certain about how I felt about him and wanted to figure out if I liked him first without any other people involved, so I respectfully declined. He later on agreed it was a good move, because the person who drove him that night, got wasted and in a fight with his latest fling. There was quite a bit of drama at the party that I definitely did not need to be privy to.

Why Women Want to Define the Relationship

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Written by Lindsay K. of Love Kudos
Edited and Commentary by Lauren K.

Women love labels, most men tend to avoid them.  I have heard thousands of stories concerning women wanting to know how the guy they've been romantically seeing feels about them.  They want to "Define the Relationship"  or (DTR) it as what's its referred to in the language of love.  We ask the DTR question to protect our hearts and to have an open and honest conversation.   We are insecure with the status because the other person isn't giving us the encouragement we are seeking.

With a little internet research, I've summarized some interesting responses:

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