Friday, December 4, 2009

Facebook Relationship Status: Part 2

Break Up .... How to deal with it on Facebook

So, you have broken up with someone that you have dated for lets say 3-6 months and are ready to get back out there. How soon after a break up can you change your Facebook status to "single"? I have seen a guy do it 20 minutes after the break up was final, as well as one woman keep the "in the relationship" status up weeks after the exchanging of belongings had already taken place. Is there a morally correct, black and white answer to the break up announcement on Facebook? Probably not, but here are some suggested guidelines to follow.
K.S. believes the decision to declare your "singleness" should be a mutual one. "It can be hurtful to see your once beloved partner immediately take off the status after 'the talk'. But may be a good way to solidify your decision. This might be a good case to hide the status. There definitely is a relationship mourning period. It is important to let yourself go through that, regroup, and mend your emotions. It may be appropriate to talk to your ex and decide it will be better to "de-friend" each other. (Refer to Lauren K's advice on staying friends with your Ex on Facebook). Some people decide that that this helps avoid jealously, hurt feelings, and the desire to 'check up' on their ex . Communication is vital in all of these scenarios and in relationships in general. When feelings are made known and two people share their expectations things should go more smoothly. Lack of communication and fear of talking to your partner indicates rocky roads ahead."

To create some controversy, another guy friend of mine, Dan, asked in jest, "Isn't hiding your relationship from your Facebook friends like a married guy not wearing his wedding ring in public?" Clearly, a married guy not wearing his wedding ring is a major diss to that person's relationship and is a much greater infraction than a man not declaring that he is in a relationship on a social website. On a side note, sometimes men and women can forget their wedding rings and there is no malintent behind their actions. Eight days after Ivanka Trump got married, she forgot her ring for her first public appearance on The View.  She commented, "I knew you'd call me on that! It's sitting on my bedside table. I've only been married for eight days and keep forgetting about the hardware. I did feel a little naked and was thinking about running home and getting it."

Back to the issue at hand. Facebook relationship status .... I think I would be hurt if I was living with someone and they did not declare I was their girlfriend on Facebook. When I was engaged, I was relatively new to FB and after a week, changed my status to "engaged." I got oodles of "Congratulations" and felt the Facebook LOVE.

Well, it was a bit of a shock to my acquaintances when I went from "engaged" to "single" three months later. I do not regret declaring my "engaged" status, but in retrospect, I wish that I had not changed my status to "single" the day after my break up. At the time, my Ex was not a FB user and therefore was not privey to my dramatic status change. I think during the relationship mourning period, NO STATUS, is the answer. I think the length of the mourning period can completely depend on the serious nature of the relationship. I was a bit rash in my move to go from "engaged" to "single" and I did not consult my Ex on this decision. I did let him know after I did it a few days later that I had declared my "singleness" to my group of friends, including my Facebook network. "When it's done, it's done," is how some of my friends view break ups and there is no reason to hide it.

 Lindsay K.'s advice is to make sure you are REALLY ready to update your status for all your Facebook "friends" to see. For example, when she ended her almost 3 year relationship with her live-in boyfriend, out of emotional heartbreak and grief, she updated her profile to "single" immediately. The sleuths of comments and emails came in and she had to explain what had happened. It was somewhat embarrassing, because although the relationship had ended, she was still living with him at the time. Now, that is definitely "complicated."  To avoid the difficulties of explaining your relationship status, make sure when you do change it, you are ready to explain!

What are your thoughts on the Facebook relationship status? We want to hear from you.Comments are welcome.  

Blogged by: Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo LKx2

Remember to nominate people for  the Love Kudos Makeover. The deadline, December 15th, is fast approaching.  Don't miss out. All men and women ages 21 and older are eligible.

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Some of the information gathered came from, May 8, 2009 and Facebook Statistics.

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