Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Do you Feel Entitled to the Perfect Partner?

Written by Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo -LKx2-

In this day and age of entitlement, technology enables us to order our PF Chang's meal online and reserve the latest PS console via BestBuy.com or a variety of other sites. Therefore, it is not surprising that some of us expect that we should be able to reserve the man or woman of our dreams, with all of the bells and whistles we want included. However, we are not completely in the artificial intelligence age, and we still have to work to find and maintain a love life.

Hence, we face a different dilemma; an oversaturation of people looking for love online, seeking the perfect partner. Ask any of your married friends and they will tell you that they may have found love and a great partner, but their marriage is not without flaws and the occasional blow out fight. Singles, wake up and stop seeking perfection. Have you ever sat down and created a "Desire" list and a "Need" list for what you are looking for in a partner? It sounds a little ridiculous at first, but many times we end up dating the WRONG man or woman, because we stray too far from what matters to us most. Strong physical attraction can only keep you interested for so long, right?
I will share with you a few of my desires and needs in a partner. This is just a sample mini-list and not meant to be construed as Lauren's sacred boyfriend requirements.

1) Extremely athletic and active in multiple sports.
2) Wants to raise his children Jewish.
3) Expressive and can admit when he is wrong and apologize.
4) Very good looking and takes pride in his physical appearance.
5) Ambitious and flexible in his career choice.
6) Wants to live in Texas, California, or Colorado.
7) Does not have children of their own yet.
8) Loves to travel in the U.S. and abroad.
9) Romantic
10) Provides sexual satisfaction on a regular basis.
11) Graduated from college

1) Close with his family and willing to accept mine.
2) Attractive and at least 5'6. (I want my kids to have a slight chance to ever be picked on a basketball team in gym class)
3) Active in multiple aspects of his life: career, sports, community involvement, etc.
4) Kind to others and respects himself.
5) Self-confident (They need to have this before they come into my life).
6) Flexible in their way of thinking about location, religion, etc.
7) Be open to having children.
8) Believes in the concept of monogamy and enjoys pleasing their partner sexually.
9) Likes to travel and try new things.
10) Willing to work on good communication tactics.
11) Intelligent

With the exception of my height requirement, do you notice that my needs are listed in a more general way, allowing me to expand my pool of men to choose from? Desires are great to have, but you should not reject a potential suitor because they do not have the ability to fulfill all of your desires. I do not consider this settling, but being realistic. Unfortunately, you can not combine the best physical attributes and personality traits of all your Ex's into one person.

This may seem obvious to most people, but just in case it is not, I want to specify that you should not interrogate anyone on the first date to make sure they meet all of your needs. Discovering if someone is compatible with you in the long-run will take time, but do not avoid major signs of incompatibility. Please contact us if you need dating etiquette help.

Just for fun ... Try this exercise at home. If you do it with a friend or a sibling, you can share your lists, and maybe refine them afterwards. Your friends sometimes know you better than you know yourself. Men, don't be afraid to do this too. If you want to start backwards as to what you know does not work for you,  the "DEALBREAKERS," you can do that too. I wanted to list my desires and needs in a positive framework, but it is ultimately up to you.

Once you have made your lists, put them in a safe place that will not be discovered by a potential date. Your needs and desires change from time to time. You might want to readdress your lists every few months or yearly. Hopefully, you can discard your lists the next time you run across them, because you have already found the "the one" for you. Remember, we are not entitled to the perfect partner. A relationship should entail some work to maintain, and it should be one that both partners are invested in. There should definitely be more good, than bad in the relationship.

Happy "LOVE" hunting. Be true to your needs and you will avoid a lot of heartache down the line.

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