Wednesday, December 16, 2009

How to Escape a Bad Date

A Personal Account from Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo

I have to preface this blog in that I am not exactly proud of my behavior from the below story. Let me know your thoughts. Am I a b%&ch or just a woman that knows how to escape from the occasional bad date? You decide.

July 20, 2005

I mentally review Jason’s profile on my walk from the DC metro to a trendy new bar in Logan circle. Hmm, from Ft. Worth, Texas, 29, a graduate of Fordham Law School, likes tennis and skiing, and works at a big law firm. I try to remember something unique about him from our conversation the week before, and all I can come up with is that his father lives in Israel and he once lived on a kibbutz. Well, that should get me started.

As I walk in the bar, all of the butterflies in my stomach that were there come to a standstill. There is no instant love connection. He has skin pocks from bad acne in his formative years and his hair is sort of frizzy and puffy on top. As he leans over to shake my hand, I don’t notice any balding on top. Instead, I am shocked when I see an oversized gut hanging over his crème pants. Perhaps, it is a relatively new pot belly developed this summer from wining and dining his summer associates at the law firm.

After the awkward hello and introductions, he begins our conversation with, “I am starving.” “I thought they fed you at the law firm event that you just came from!”
“False advertising,” he said, and proceeded to look straight ahead and ask the bartender for menus.

I definitely got the vibe he was more into getting to know what Cevinos had to offer him than me. I tried to veer the conversation away from food to the Supreme Court nomination. It was 5 ‘til 9 and Bush was due to announce his nominee at 9. I am a democrat, but not extremely zealous about politics. Well, Jason seemed to have the inside scoop and it turned out his hunch was right. His office had been buzzing with the rumors all day. It was John Roberts.

Well, I consider myself a 1st date expert and will try to have a good time no matter who I am with. The topics of the night ranged from having threesomes to what constitutes being a smoker. I used to smoke about two cigarettes a week and have not owned my own pack on non-vacation activities since 1999. So, it was definitely a strike against him when he returned from the bathroom with a full pack of cigarettes in hand. (Aside: I am open to dating the occasional smoker if quitting is on the horizon.)

“Want one?”
“Nah. I did not realize that you smoke.”
“Well, I only smoke when I drink.”
“How often is that?”
“About four days a week. I sometimes go from Sunday to Wednesday without a cigarette.”
As if that is some sort of accomplishment, I am not sure. A rationalization is more like it. He lights up a cigarette in the bar, but blows smoke in the opposite direction of me. (DC still permitted smoking in the bars until 2006).

The date spirals downward from luke warm coffee to a routine dental visit, not horrendous, but nothing you want to engage in more than once a year. After a few more minutes of making idle chit chat and inquiring about his family upbringing, I decide to be silent and answer yes / no to his questions.

Subtly, I slide out my cell phone to text message Michelle, to ring me to make an escape exit. A few minutes later, my bag starts to vibrate. “Jason, I am so sorry, but I really need to get this, because it is Michelle, and she is having some boyfriend issues.” Sarcastically he says,“Of course, answer it, Dr. Kahn.”

I actually can be a damn good actress when I am invested in the outcome. I definitely looked in disbelief as Michelle conveyed to me what her boyfriend Zack did (or did not do). When I got off the phone I was nearly home free. Jason knew the date was coming to a close. At least he was chivalrous enough to flag down a cab for me. In spite of all of the cues that I was not interested in mugging down with him, he still tried to plant one on my lips. Not once, but twice. I gently brushed my lips against his cheek, and then, wham; he moved his face too fast. Lips meshed, but it wasn’t really a kiss, more like a lip slap.

On the cab ride home, I call Michelle to let her know that I am in the clear and the date is over. NEXT …

Written by Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo -LKx2-

Lindsay K. adds, "I've never had enough guts to use the "distress call from a friend" tactic.  I wish I had used it on a second date with Jeff.*   We decided to see a movie of my choice and grab a quick bite before the movie started.  I was disappointed to learn that Jeff forgot his wallet in his car (I was driving) and I was forced to purchase tickets, dinner, and the dessert after the movie .  However, he was able to remember to bring his chew!  I knew by now there would be no third date, even though he kept mentioning he would pay the next time.  The last straw was when he kept making rude remarks during the movie.  I was actually trying to enjoy the movie and salvage the evening. When I dropped him off at his car,  I confidently asked how much money he had in his wallet.  He only had $10, but it was better than nothing. Next!"
* - Name has been changed to protect the person's privacy and anonymity. 

1 comment:

Kevin Blanchard said...

This comment is for Lindsay K. Could you elaborate on the "Jeff" story? It makes me awfully nervous to think a girl would not consider a next date if I accidentally forgot my wallet. A situation like that is already stressful and embarrassing enough for the person having the girl reject me because of it would be adding insult to injury. But that said I imagine it wasn't that cut and dry.

I'm guessing you were thinking he left his wallet on purpose and/or it was the straw that broke the camel's back to a guy you were ho-hum about to begin with. Am I correct? At least in my years of dating experience, once both people are out of college and have "real" jobs, who pays is irrelevant since after the first few dates you usually take turns paying anyway. Assuming of course it's not a pity date or a "I'm not really feeling this but I'll try one more date to see if my feelings change".

Can you elaborate your thought process a little for us guys out there so we can avoid being Jeff-ed after a date? hehe :)

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