Thursday, April 29, 2010

Dating the American Way - Go Green

Written by Lindsay K. of Love Kudos

Humans want what we want, when we want it and we want it NOW.  In Charlie in the Chocolate Factory, Veruca Salt wants the goose that lays golden eggs.  When Willie Wonka states they aren't for sale, Veruca screams, "But I want it NOW!" And we all know what happened to her, right? 

We become frustrated and discouraged while we are waiting for love to knock on our digital front door.  Some serial daters will go out with a person once and throw them away like garbage. We are dating for instant gratification.  Perhaps, we need to be more environmentally friendly with our dating lives too. In the following blog, I will discuss ways to go green (in dating terms).

Going Green in Dating: Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle ...

Reduce: For the last month or so, I have reduced the time and energy that I spend looking at online profiles.  I no longer actively search for the next guy of my dreams. provides daily quiver matches, while gives the daily five.  I will wink/email/star any guys that make my heart flutter.  I also keep the number of sites that I am to a limit of 3.  Limiting the number of online dating sites also helps reduce the cost spent to find love. I also pick free alternatives as well. Make sure you are being efficient and thinking of the long term when you spend your free time signing up and searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right. 

Reuse: Okay, this one was a tough one for me.  How do you know if you should give a second date to that person you weren't really feeling a romantic connection to?  As Lauren K. has explored before, she uses the, "Could I be alone with that person for 30 minutes in a trapped elevator and not want to kill myself, plus can I actually see myself kissing them," as a basis for whether or not he or she warrants a second date or even a third. I base my second date outcome if I feel a desire to see them again and if I can see myself kissing them.  If the thought of getting physically close to him turns me off, then I have my answer.  I know it's hard to really get to know someone by only spending a few hours together, so it might be okay to ask for a second or third date.  Lauren K. says if you have not developed an urge to kiss them after the second date, then you should move on.

Another way that I have "reused" a person that I've dated is to reconnect with them when I have bumped into them in the gym, grocery store, or local event in town.  People get busy and this has turned out to be the best way to chat without giving mixed signals about my intentions with them.

Lauren K. says that you can reuse this person in a different capacity. Perhaps, convert them to becoming a friend, a business connection, or a work out buddy. The choice to convert to friendship needs to be a mutual one. 

Recycle: The other day I was instant messaging a friend on Facebook. I started telling her about this guy I went on a date with earlier in the week.  His name was not the ordinary John or Mike, but a name you would remember.  My friend asked me if he had a twin and if he was from Chicago.* Yes and yes!  Turns out she dated the same guy over a year ago.  Maybe they weren't a match, but we might be.  They only went on a couple dates and never made it to the first kiss.  If they had a more serious past, then I probably would not have recycled him.

If you think of it in global terms, you will always be getting someone's sloppy seconds.  Don't let the fact that you didn't work out with that person, be a deterrent for someone else in your group to date him or her.  They could end being a really great fit with a friend.  Lauren K. says just try to avoid the dating overlap scenario. Don't let a man or a woman come between your friendship. Love Kudos occasionally hears requests for being a match maker.  Even though that's not our main intention, we do have our success stories.

In our premium Love Kudos package, we do offer some matchmaking options. Inquire for more information.

Edited by Lauren K.

*City has been changed to protect the anonymity of all parties involved. 
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