Monday, April 19, 2010

Accidentally On Purpose Keepsakes and Rejects

Written by Lauren K. of Love Kudos

For those of you who might be confused or a bit terrified, I am not referring to getting knocked up as the TV show on CBS "Accidentally On Purpose" implies. I am talking about the items that somehow do not make their way back to their rightful owners post the break-up. This more than often happens with women keeping men's hats, t-shirts, pajama bottoms, or even electronics. However, on occasion men have also been guilty of keeping women's belongings, not because they want them for sentimental reasons, but because they don't want to deal with the belongings' exchange meeting.

Sometimes, these men find having women's shampoo or a hair dryer to be a true benefit with their new dating prospects.

I make it well known in the beginning of dating someone that I have a bit of a fetish for men's t-shirts. I sleep in them when I am by myself and often hang around my place in just an oversized men's t-shirt. I definitely prefer those soft cotton t's that have been through the wash at least 10 times and have a definitive spring clean scent to them. Over the past ten years, I have collected at least a half dozen Big Ten t-shirts and am now the proud owner of a Brazilian soccer team t-shirt. (I need to preface that I have not been physically intimate with all of these men.) So, word to the wise, if you date me, you will end up surrendering at least one t-shirt. Don't pick your favorite one, because you just might not get it back.

I surveyed my group of girlfriends and guy friends to find out if I was somewhat unique in my clepto pattern with Ex's belongings. Luckily I discovered that I was not alone in this phenomenon I call, "Accidentally On Purpose Keepsakes".

Here is a true example from Sally*. Her X-boyfriend, Trey* and her had bought tickets months in advance for a "Linkin Park" concert, but a few weeks before the concert they broke up. Trey had purchased them on his credit card, but had them sent to Sally's address. Since Trey ended the relationship, she felt perfectly justified in keeping those concert tickets as her memorbalia of their time together. Trey did not ask for them back and she didn't offer to give them back. Instead, she took her brother and they had an amazing time at the show. Sally says, "Thanks Trey."

Do you think Sally should have offered to give his ticket back, both tickets, or was perfectly in the right to keep them both ?


My guy friend, Kevin, said that he usually throws away all of her hair, make up, and facial cleaning products within two days of his break ups. If the relationship is over, he wants to move on and the best way is to get rid of all visual reminders of her ASAP. He even goes so far as to throw away inexpensive jewelry from his Ex's that he might discover later on. Well, I do have a ring being held for ransome in Chicago. Please send it back to me if you are reading this.

Through my research for this article, I found out that guys rarely keep women's belongings, but do not always give them back willingly.

My friend Randy says,
While it's cute for chicks to wear their boyfriends' gear, the reverse is NOT true. Imagine me rolling out of bed in a cute negligee....raises questions....I am of the camp that clears out the evidence. Pictures, notes, etc. either get thrown or filed away. I admit that I have even donated clothes to charity rather than arranging a meet up/drop off or looking at constant reminders of how much I cared for someone who is no longer in my life. Gotta move on.
See my next blog on "Exchanging of Belongings".

*Names have been changed to protect the anonymity of all parties involved.

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Thad said...

Randy has a point, I can't think of one thing I've kept after a relationship. Not like I could fit in any clothes a woman I dated wore, and I don't use any of the tools for personal care that women use, at least not the ones that any of my exes used, though I will say that I learned that using one of those Venus razors works very well for shaving my head, but not because an ex used them. But many a thing has been taken from me, including a car, yes a car. We made an arrangement for it to be bought from me, but still, was an emotional thing to have lost the car to her, at least it wasn't one of my collection that I liked.

Anonymous said...

Keeping the concert tickets: tacky, greedy -- rationale unimportant. I could say the same for the whole concept of gradual accumulation of others' property via relationships, and therefore this article in general -- anecdotes unimportant.

Mateo said...

All I want back is the Zeppelin poster, Tool Cd's, and a pair of boxers

Anonymous said...

Man. There's a continuum to be mindful of, with Classy on one end and Whore at the other. I'm not calling anyone a whore, but this is a step away from classy.

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