Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Time Investment to Find Love

Written by Lindsay K. of Love Kudos LKx2

How much are you willing to invest in love?  People in the U.S. currently spend millions of dollars on their attempt to find love.  Those dollar amounts can't even compare to the amount of time you spend thinking, talking, and/or dreaming of a love connection.

Is it all just a waste of time or can we chalk it up to learning experience?

Lauren K. says, "The time invested to find love can be worth it in the long run if you connect with that one person that complements you in every way. The first person I ever met from online dating literally lived a block away from me in NY. We dated for over a month and we probably would not have met otherwise. Of course, the weekend after I ended it with him, I ran into him on the subway. Go figure."

By: Trevor Hart Photography

I understand that there is an element of patience and a leap of faith that needs to take place to find love. However, how many people should I devote my time and energy to that simply are not serious about dating or just are not right for me?  For example,  I met Lance* out at a bar one Friday night.  I wasn't physically attracted to him, but I gave him my Love Kudos business card in hopes my blog would be of interest him.  Following dating protocol, he texted by the end of the weekend and followed up again on Monday and Tuesday.  We finally upgraded to a phone conversation on Tuesday night and talked for about an hour.  The conversation ended by him asking me to have drinks on Friday.  I agreed and thought it was a set date.  So, obviously there was some connection on his side, right?  However, Friday came and went, and I never heard from him again. NEXT!!

I walked away from the experience thinking that he wasn't into me or he was dating other people.  I wish I could get the endless hours of talking or thinking about him, or other potential men back in my time bank.  It seems like such a waste of time to talk to someone and then never hear from them or see them again. The lesson I learned from my Lance experience is to limit first time phone calls to 10-15 minutes.  I'll refer to it as my "Timer Ticker of Love."  The phone call is just a screening for both parties. If he wants to know more about me, then he can ask me out for a date and actually follow through.  You might ask, "So, what about the couple hours or an evening you might waste on the actual date?"  Well, I think you can still get to know someone a lot better in person and would rather have human contact and a night out on the town than a long phone call that goes nowhere.

Coincidentally, a week after Lance's disappearing act, his online profile appeared in my top 5. Thanks, match.com!  I wrote him an email to say happy new year.  He responded back and even mentioned that he had flaked on drinks.  Since he knew about the Love Kudos website, he asked what I thought about his online profile. I had nothing to lose (since I knew he wasn't interested in me) I responded, "Your profile looks fine, but you need help with your dating etiquette.  Next time just say, "Sorry, I must of flaked."  What I wanted to say, but resisted was, "Do not solicit someone for advice that you blew off. Your profile may get you some hits, but if you don't execute, what is the point?"

And after further mental investigation and a discussion with Lauren K., I realized that he wasn't interested in dating me, but was trying to get free online dating advice from me.  He was more interested in my opinion on dating and his online profile than he was in getting to know me. Hey Lance, if you want dating advice from Love Kudos, you are going to have to pay some $$$.

Lauren adds, "It is like the job hunt; a lot of wasted resumes, phone calls, and meetings set up for that one job that finally says, 'YES,' to you. It is extremely frustrating, but it is even more annoying to date someone long term that is not a good fit for you. Finding and securing love is a process, and for some, it occurs more natural and faster than others. I have accepted that my journey has more bumps in it than most. However, I can honestly say that if I met the right person tomorrow, I would never have to date another man again. I could totally be content to be with just him."

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people we date.

Edited by Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo -LKx2-


1 comment:

Katie said...

Love it :] I've been making a conscious effort to limit the time I spend on certain people/connections, and to spend the time I do give them on my terms. It's quite empowering ^.^

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