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There are certain circumstances where I would have loved to do an Exit Interview with a particular guy. I am embarrassed to admit this, but when I was a lot younger, and not as wise as I am now, I called a guy after an amazing first date. We met through jdate.com of course. I do want to preface that we did not talk on the phone prior to our meeting and probably only exchanged a couple of emails before setting up the date. (This is not my usual dating protocol.)
It really was a great first date,filled with multiple make out sessions and some minor undressing. We met at an Italian Bistro in the Dupont area. When I sat down at the pizzeria bar area, I was instantly attracted to him and couldn't stop smiling. After a little while, it became apparent that the attraction was mutual when he mentioned other activities he would like to do later in the night. We went to three different locations, one of which was the top of an unfinished hotel in Washington DC with a perfect view of the Capitol and the Washington monument. It was nearly 2AM when he dropped me off at my car and gave me one last kiss goodbye. The only casualty of the evening was one of my earrings, lost on the streets of Washington DC I presume. There was not any doubt in my mind that he would call. He even mentioned going skiing together in the Rockies in the future. (He had just come back from Vail the day before.)
So, after waiting 4 days for my post date call, I broke down and came up with an excuse to contact him. HERE IS WHAT NOT TO DO. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES!
This was pre-texting, so I used the traditional method of contact: the phone.
Me: Hi Andrew, this is Lauren. How are you?
Andrew: Um, fine. What is up?
Me: Did you ever find my other earring ? You know, the one we couldn't find in your car.
Andrew: No, I looked for it that night, but never found it. I am really sorry. I honestly don't even remember what it looked like.
Me: It doesn't really matter. So, I had a great time the other night. I can't believe how late we were out. Going to work the next morning was rough.
Andrew: I had a great time too. (Pause, then some silence).
Me: So, when are we going out again?
Andrew: Lauren, it was a great night, but really that is all I was looking for. I am really not interested in getting into a serious relationship right now. I just want to have fun.
I did not shed any tears from that conversation, but was definitely disillusioned with Jdate for at least a month. Ladies, no need to fear. Andrew is now a reformed player and got married in October of 2009. He is actually a good guy now and close friends with my comrades in DC. Small world, right?
Did I deserve an Exit Interview after one date? No, but it would have been nice to know that he viewed our date as pure entertainment and not as anything more. A hint at the end of the night would have been nice. Maybe if I had not called him and ran into him at a different time in our lives, he might have asked me out again. I would have then had the opportunity to turn him down or at least ask why he never called me after our "amazing first date." Now, I will never know, because I caved and called him. So, men and women have patience. Sometimes the "NO CALL/TEXT" or "NO CALL/TEXT BACK" is your answer. A subtle second attempt for contact is ok in my opinion, but give that person at least a week to get back to you. There are times where life is just too complicated to reach out. Voltaire, Lindsay K., and readers, what do you think ? Should men and women provide honest explanations as to why we don't want to continue dating people after exploring the infancy stages of a relationship?
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2 comments:
Don't see why it would be "caving" to call someone. Women are just as able to pick up the phone and ask someone out. Why not ask for what you want?
I liked that you had the guts to make the call, but even ignoring that he didn't want anything other than a fun night, I think it's a mistake to call with a hidden agenda.
Why play games? If you like the person and/or had fun, call them a...nd ask them out again. The worst that can happen is that they say no. I'll give you that men traditionally like to chase women, but I can tell you that I know many men that have been turned off by games and no men that have been turned off by a woman they were interested in being open and honest about her interest.
Is it fun to be open about your interest in someone with the risk that they won't feel the same? Of course not. No one likes to be rejected. It sucks, but men deal with that risk at the start of nearly every relationship. While I agree with the one person who commented that women are just as able to pick up the phone and call, I know of very few women who would be willing to put themselves out there by doing that.
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