Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Case Study #1....The Schlotzsky's Incident

A Personal Account from Lindsay K. of the Love Kudos Duo

After a little hesitancy, I agree to accept a date from the late bloomer college student, Dillion*. We met on Match.com, which I actually endorse as a pretty good dating site. We e-mail back and forth for a couple of weeks, and talk on the phone once before making our first date. The first blaring red flag was when he suggested to meet at the location of a Schlotzsky's Deli for dinner.  I wasn't sure if he was only suggesting a place to meet or if he actually wanted to have dinner there.  We live about 20 minutes from each other, so we wanted a  halfway meeting point. (I was ok with that). We end up meeting at a HEB gas station and decide to eat at Red Robin.  For those of you who are not familiar with the Red Robin chain, it is the equivalent of a Chili's level dining establishment. Definitely adequate for a first date place, but not a very creative option in my opinion. I have to remind myself that he is still a student. I am a little taken back by his flashy neon yellow corvette. I know it is a stereotype, but since he is from Texas, I expected him to roll up in a Ford pick up truck with supped up wheels.

When we officially meet, I am not really concentrating on what he is saying, but what he is wearing. He is a complete frat boy; college hat, college t-shirt, and class ring. He is proud of his college, but it is a bit of an over kill for me, since I have been out of college for almost 10 years. In spite of his wardrobe choice, I decide to give him a chance. In a strange way, I am attracted to him. Surprisingly, he actually looks like the guy from the pictures in his profile. Relief there. The conversation flows and he actually appears to be interested in what I have to say. For example, he asks me about my interests, and when I respond, "Actually, I am pretty boring," he says, "That is not boring at all. It is what you do and that makes it interesting to me." After dinner, we decide to go to the movies. I am sorry, but I don't actually remember who suggested that idea. I am thinking, how am I supposed to get to know him better if we are watching a movie for two hours?  By this time, I had mentally decided he did not make the cut for my soulmate, but he did not grate on my nerves, so I said, "Yes," to the movie. 


Since he paid for dinner, I offer to pick up the movie tickets, but he insists on paying. He says, "I will get it this time and you can pay next time."  Little did he know, there wouldn't be a next time. I do commend him for paying for the 1st date even with his limited income as a student. The date ends with a big hug and he asks me to do something on the following day.  My response was "maybe." (Lauren says that the responses "maybe" or "sure" with any hesitancy, are really big "NO's" done in a nicer way.) You have to read body language. I sort of shrug my shoulders when I utter the words, "maybe," and then look up in the sky. At the time, I thought I would maybe give him another chance. In the car ride home though, I realize I don't have a real desire to see him again. I just wasn't feeling a romantic connection.

The power of first impressions has been researched and concluded that these snap judgments influence your behavior.  There's a saying, that within 10 minutes you'll know what kind of a relationship you want with that a person.  And I knew I wasn't interested in him romantically about 15 minutes into dinner.  He did nothing wrong, it just wasn't a match.

THE FOLLOW UP: Things go from "ok" to "bad" fast. Dillion calls me a couple times on Saturday and  texts me on Sunday.  I actually answer his phone call on his second attempt and tell him I am too busy with work stuff to hang out.  Sunday I feel compelled to send him the dump text. 

Verbatim I text him: " I think you are a really nice guy and treated me great, but I didn't feel a romantic connection.  Hope you  understand."

Now hold on for his response.  I know he wanted to save face, but this is a little much. Five minutes later, I get this text from him:

Dillion: "Yeah, same here. I just wanted to have a friends with benefits relationship with you."

His response just proved to me that my quick judgment was accurate. He is an immature college student, that really is not capable of having a relationship. Next ...

- Lindsay K. and Lauren K. from the Love Kudos Duo LKx2-
 
* - Name has been changed to protect the person's privacy and anonymity.

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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is hillarious. thanks for sharing your story.

Anonymous said...

Love Kudos - I LOVED the love blog! You were really right on, it's like you've dated before or something! I loved the advice you gave on breaking up gently. I actually felt really bad for the girl who broke up with that really sweet text message and then the guy texts back about wanting to just use her as a hook up. What an a...hole! That was a really sweet text, do it with some dignity dude! Maybe you could write a blog about retrieving stuff post-break up? I left season 1 of the Office at a girl's house about a year ago and never had the courage to go retrieve it. Now my Office DVD collection is bare.

Lindsay & Lauren (LKx2) said...

Lindsay K's Response regarding returning possessions post breakup:
I think the Office DVD should be a loss. Only ask for items that have personal meaning, not something you could buy again. I once asked for this really cool quarter that was cut up with hearts. I am sure its just sitting in a box somewhere, but he refused to return it. Regardless...

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