Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Top 10 Dating Tips for Men and Women 25 and Up

Written by Top Dating Tips and Commentary by Lauren K.

Top 10 Dating Tips

1.Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, be ready to commit to dating. Half-heartedness won't work. In fact, it won’t even get you half-way. If you really want to date, put some effort into it. Do some research and think about what you want out of dating. Prepare yourself for the inevitable rejection we all face at some point in dating and commit not to give up.  (Lauren K. says if you just broke up with someone, it is ok to go out on a date if you get asked out or just hook up if the opportunity presents itself, but do not initiate dating if your heart is not open yet. It will just lead to a disasterous ending. Rebound sex can only go on for so long.)

2.Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself, and others can sense that. (Lauren K. adds no need to get botox, breast augmentation, or spend all of your time at the gym in hiding. Just some basic grooming and physical activity will usually get you in gear for dating.)

3.Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don't try to be someone you’re not, but amplify and accentuate your positives. Throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. Your date will appreciate that you demonstrated some effort. (Remember to compliment your date on his or her appearance if  you like their look. They made an effort for you too.)

4.Think about what you want to gain from dating and what timeframes you expect. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do, then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don't take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date. (No need to put a sticker on you on your first date that reads, Hey, looking for marriage, You game? Just know what you are looking for and read the signs. If the guy is telling you he might be moving in a few months to a different city for a job, put that in your memory bank. No need to interrogate him on his "potential" move just yet. If the guy is just looking for fun, perhaps you can state that early on, but no need to mention is on date #1. You just might change your mind as you get to know her.)

5.Surround yourself with people who will support your dating aims. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Don’t sabotage this by sitting around with friends who are negative about love and relationships (often the married ones). Start attending social functions frequented by singles. Sitting alongside couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now. (If you live near your family, limit your visits to a maximum of twice a week. This way you have nights free for dating. Although Mom and dad occasionally will set you up, they are not the #1 way you will meet your husband or wife. Through friends and siblings, school, and online dating are the top three ways that people meet their husbands or wives. According to's 2010 survey results, come 2015 online dating may be the most common way for somebody to enter in to a new relationship or meet their future spouse.)

6.Choose those you have a good chance of dating. Be realistic. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous, great! Just know that others will expect you to be the same. (AGREED! Although if Bradley Cooper wants to start slumming it, I am still available.)

7.Join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups -- anything that might help you meet like-minded potential partners. You will not meet people by staying indoors and playing video games – many have tried and failed at this approach. (Diversify, but create some consistency with the groups you are active with. If you go to meet ups, give each group more than one chance.)

8.Take time off from dating occasionally if it’s not going well or causing dating fatigue. Recharging your batteries and keeping confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. We all hit rough patches, but don’t let your search for love become a death march. Date in phases if necessary. (Hide your profile on online dating sites for a period of time and then update your pics and copy when you go back on. You might spark someone's interest with your new look that you passed on you before.)

9.Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not play a bigger part in your life down the road. The fact is, most people have something interesting to offer. While you may not be out on the dating scene looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way. (If you think someone could be a great friend addition, but the chemistry is not there, cut off the dating early and do not lead them on for too long just to keep them in your life. They may be open to being friends or not. Let them choose if they want to be added to your friend network.)

10.Never make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. As part of keeping up the mystery, do not sleep with your dates early on.* The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. (And yes, this goes for both men AND women!) If the chemistry peaks too early, your emotions may never have time to catch up and the relationship will eventually wither away. (I know it may surprise some, but making out early on in dating can actually be satisfying. If they don't want to go out on another date, it is not because you just made out.)

TRUE STORY: I recently went on a second date with someone and made out in their car. I was staying in a hotel for work purposes, and in his own subtle way he asked to come to my hotel room. I said, "If you are fishing for an invite, it is not happening. Sorry." He said, "I know. If you wanted to invite me in, you would." We kissed goodbye and then he never called. I am glad that I trusted my instinct on that one. Physical chemistry does not necessarily equate to long-term partnership compatibility.
*Some basic points to remember about SEX:
  • Never sleep with someone on the first date
  • Don’t even mention sex on the first (or first few) dates
  • Never ever talk about sex with your ex when dating
  • Never admit how many people you have slept with
  • Date people to whom you are physically attracted to
  • Don’t pretend sex isn’t important – it is
  • Being sexy is not the same as being easy
  • Kissing does not mean sex
  • Have sex the first time where you are most comfortable
  • Always practice safe sex
  • Good sex is a good start, but bad sex can get better
  • Avoid people who are selfish in their sexual needs
  • Never do anything that makes you uncomfortable
  • Make sure you know enough about your new partner before becoming intimate
  • Never allow yourself to be rushed into sex if you’re not ready

1 comment:

MisYahd said...

My friend is mostly in need of this tips. Thanks for sharing. I know she'll love this great tips.

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