Tuesday, August 31, 2010

10 Ways to Ruin a First Date and 5 Ways to Hopefully Get a Second Date

Written by Lindsay K. of Love Kudos
First impressions are important, especially on a first date.  Recently, I went on a first date that did not go over particularly well. I met Peter* for the first time over drinks and appetizers.  There were 5 simple ways in which this guy ruined our initial date. 
  1. Starting your meal before your date arrives.  Peter arrived 15 minutes early to the Mexican restaurant, while I was right on time.  However, when I finally sat down I discovered he had already devoured the chips and salsa and was half way through his margarita shaker.  I felt as if the date started without me.  If you are late for the date, this is understandable, but I was right on time.
  2. Answering the phone and having a full conversation.  I understand he has a life and needs to answer the phone.  Initially it was cute when he said it was his mother calling, but when he continued to talk about a missing receipt and other business, I was annoyed and felt disrespected.  It would have been better if he had excused himself from the table to finish the conversation.
  3. Lack of eye contact.  In the start of the date, Peter's eye contact was up and over my left shoulder.  I know I am so gorgeous that it's hard to look me in the eyes, (I'm being sarcastic) but it's a must for me.  Besides physical contact, eye contact is one of the ways to bond with a person.  If you're not looking into each other's eyes, how are you supposed to start a romantic attachment with someone?
  4. Not asking enough questions.  I feel like I know more things about him than he knows about me.  I noticed during the date, I would ask him a question.  He would respond, but wouldn't want to know the answer on my side.  This made him appear a little selfish and disinterested.
  5. Not paying the bill.  The total bill came to $20.00 and he's the one that asked for the date. I think he should have offered to pay the bill.  It's not like I ordered lobster!  Peter not picking up the $20 bill on this first date made him look cheap.   
These 5 red flags above signaled to me that this guy was selfish, cheap, and definitely not a match for me.

5 Ways Women Can Ruin a First Date
  1. Talking about an ex. It's okay to answer questions about the past, but revealing feelings of anger and hurt are red flags for guys. I would avoid going into further detail about your past relationships.  If you still have an emotional attachment, then it's probably not a good idea to be actively dating a new person.  Take time off to organize your thoughts.
  2. Getting naked or having sex.  Most guys I interviewed said that this would not be a problem, but I think old traditions are hard to break.  If a guy is looking for a future wife, he most likely won't respect a girl who gets naked or sleeps with him on the first date.  A girl who is easy to get in the sack, is not a challenge and leads for nothing in the future to look forward to.  Of course there are the exceptions to the rule.  You have to ask yourself if she is your Shipoopi?
  3. Bad Breath.  Coffee, cigarette smoke, and garlic are the top three killers for bad breath.  Grab those free mints that almost every restaurant offers.
  4. Flirting with other guys.  It doesn't matter how much confidence a guy has.  No one wants to see their new girl being flirty with other men or hear about emails that she received from another on-line dater.  Everyone likes to feel special, but if you are showing attention to everyone else, how is that possible?
  5. Being negative.  Don't complain about everything going on in your life. If something is bothering you, don't talk about it to your date.  If you hate your job, don't talk about it.  If you hate your friends, don't talk about it. If you don't like the movie, don't talk about it.  If you don't like the food or drinks, don't talk about it. Do you get the point? Lauren K. adds. you don't need to lie.  You can just be vague and spin something negative into something positive. Example: "I am not exactly happy with my job right now, but I am using this time to think about my next career move and am networking in the community. I am relieved to have a job in this economy and know how lucky I am."

5 ways you turn your First date into a Date #2
  1. Men: Paying the check at the end of drinks or dinner. It's a huge gesture and really makes a woman feel appreciated. She probably spent a lot more time getting ready and spent more money on her outfit and accessories than you did.  Step up to the plate and be a man and pay!  Did your father pay on his first date with your mother? Lauren K. adds, "if you are on a tight budget, take her some place that won't break the bank. No one expects to be taken to Uchi on a first date."  She also says that more important than who pays for the date is making sure that you compliment your date and make a real effort to get to know her.
  2. Women: Offering to pay tip.  I believe it is a small gesture, which guys really appreciate.  Lauren K. prefers to have one person pick up the whole check, whether it is her date or her. Splitting a bill is what friends do, not romantic interests. If a guy pays for the dinner, maybe she will pay for the movie tickets and drinks. It is not necessarily wrong or right, just her way of handling the finances of dating.
  3. Make the other person laugh. I see tons of online profiles where the first line says, "I love to laugh."  Have you ever met someone who didn't like to laugh?  Just make sure your jokes/humor have been tested and are not completely offensive.
  4. Asking questions and listening to how one responds.  This should be a no brainer; it's called a conversation.  When I get nervous, I have tendency to shoot rapid fire questions.  It is easier for me to ask questions than to talk about myself.
  5. Asking for the 2nd date at the end of the first. If you had a great time, then make it clear and make plans to see the person in the near future. Lauren K. adds, if either party is unsure about a second date, read the body language, and do not ask them out immediately. It puts the person in an awkward predicament. If you are not feeling a connection, don't force it and don't prolong the date.

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