Saturday, March 6, 2010

Taking "One" for the Team

Written by Lauren K. and Lindsay K. of the Love Kudos

The purpose of having a wing person is to make the first approach to a group of two or more potentials easier.  However, sometimes the attractiveness of the group ranges tremendously and a wingman or wingwoman will have to "take one for the team" when he or she is forced to talk to the person that may not exactly be their type. It's love karma to aid your friend in the "love" or "hook up" game.

Well, what goes around, comes around. If you don't want to be a team player and help out your friend, then he or she may not be apt to help you out. The next time you want to approach that cute "target" on the other side of the bar, that just happens to be standing next to a large, not so attractive individual, you might be out of luck. Our recommendation is to help out your wingwoman or wingman.

The Love Kudos also feel that with sex, one must respect personal limits, but sometimes couples should consider "taking one for the team."

If two people are not on the same schedule in terms of sexual desire, shouldn't they discuss a compromise? In all relationships, there should be an element of compromise and the bedroom should be included.
Jill, a recently engaged reader, reports that sometimes she isn't in the mood to have sex with her partner (and he is all ready to go), but she gets herself in the mood to please her man and ends up happy she did in the end.  She compares this to getting ready and going to the gym for a workout.  It's a hassel to get your gym clothes on and get in the car, but when the workout has been completed and you are all sweaty, you feel a great sense of accomplishment.  The same holds true when pleasuring a partner.

Lauren adds, "If you and your partner are always on different wavelengths in terms of sexual desire, then perhaps there is a brewing problem in your relationship that stems from somewhere outside the bedroom. I am not Dr. Laura, but I do know that most successful relationships engage in sexual contact at least a couple times a week. If there is a great difference in the sex drive amongst you and your partner, there will end up being greater problems down the line. If you are a sexual being, find a partner that is too, or you might end up satisfying your own sexual urges or straying from the relationship. Communication is key."

This is a true story from a married woman, "I'd like to ask your advice about sex. My husband and I have very different sex drives. For him, everyday would be great, and twice a day would be greater. For me, once a week, but to accommodate him, I'd have sex twice a week. I don't think I'm abnormal, but he asks, "What's wrong with you?" I say it's normal for a couple to have sex once or twice a week. He says he doesn't care about 'normal', it's not enough for him. He has a point, but everyday and even every other day is too much for me. We've been married almost 20 years and have both built up a lot of resentment towards each other. He, because of the sex, and me, for a whole lot of other marital problems. I never did have a high sex drive, even before we were married. Neither of us knows how to solve this problem, but it's a big one."

How do you think they should resolve their sexual discord? Personally, we think they need to go to a therapist to talk about why their relationship is not functional outside of the bedroom. Perhaps, the Mrs. will want to put out more if she feels more appreciated in the relationship and not just a pawn in his sexual escapades.

Lindsay K. adds, "If you do take one for the team and end up talking to that less attractive person, then you might be presently surprised.  The person who doesn't have their looks to fall back on, probably will have a more interesting and clever personality.  You never know, they could be a new friend!"

Now, many of you know the term, "c..k blocking," but have you ever heard of the concept "booby blocking"? Stay tuned to find out. 

*Images above from



Unknown said...

Sex is a huge part of any relationship, but it is often an extension of the overall health of the relationship as well. In my experience, inequities outside the bedroom are manifest in the bedroom. It may sound strange, but sex isn't just sex, it's PTA meetings and taking out the trash and sharing the chores, taking care of the kids and work. Keeping your sex life healthy means balancing all the other things out as well and taking care of each other outside of the bedroom. If you can manage that, then taking care of each other in the bedroom naturally follows.
If you can't handle each other, seek counseling rather than holding onto resentment.

Thad said...

Stephen is right. First, the married couple MUST deal with the problems that the wife is sensing, because that may be a major part of what's keeping her desire for sex low. Of course married couples are going to be different than a non-married couple, but the same thing applies, but many people find it easier to end a relationship than talk about it. In a marriage though, sometimes you shouldn't just "take one for the team" if you feel there are problems much bigger than the number of times you have sex. And if your defense is "but the normal is..." you need to sit down and talk. Though I will say babies and pregnancy are reasonable excuses.

As for single men/women playing wingmen/women, well it's always good to play that, but at the same time, there is something to be said about somebody who can go in solo and speak to the "target" (for lack of a better term) and the friend with ease.

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