Sunday, July 15, 2012

100 Degrees + Golf = BAD DATE

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Written by Lauren K. of Love Kudos

It has been quite some time since I have mentioned anything truly personal about my dating life. This has been out of respect for the people I have dated and / or everything has been pretty copacetic in my romantic life. In my current single state however, I have recently decided to be a little less selective in who I say "Yes" to going on a first date with. I admit this is partly a social experiment. I am not taking it to an extreme and agreeing to go out with all willing participants, but I am no longer looking at a check list and eliminating someone because they don't meet a certain height or location requirement. 

I came to this epiphany when I realized that in spite of my unwritten check list, I fell for someone that did not meet some of my basic needs in a partner. I always say that I want someone who takes the lead in the relationship and makes decisions with conviction. However, the guy I liked can take 30 minutes to decide which sandwich shop he wants to go to for lunch and can get more distracted than me at times. I do think it is important to look at value compatibility, but removing someone or snipping someone as my dad would say, without really knowing them is a bit premature. Perhaps, their caring nature or athleticism overshadows what they don't have.  

Using my old system of the checklist, I agreed to go out with *Nate on a first date.

 I met Nate via OK Cupid. It said that we were an 89% match and only 2% enemy. His profile revealed that he is into cycling, rock climbing, going to see live music, and is well educated. He definitely looked very physically fit in his pictures. This is partly how he described what he was looking for:  

I would like to meet a fun easy going girl that is adventurous, spontaneous, honest and active. And for the more serious side of dating, someone who can communicate, has goals, is able to be there for their sig-other in both fun and serious times, has time to date and we both think the other is attractive - there's a 'spark'
Ok, so maybe I am not super easy going, but I am not high maintenance. We had one phone conversation and I learned that he had his own business in energy and recently won a big account. The conversation centered around his interests and accomplishments. I am not sure if he asked me any questions about my work at all. In spite of that red flag, we made plans to meet for brunch on a Sunday and after a few texts back and forth, agreed on a location. We met at Upper Decks and besides the wait staff, we were probably the only people in the restaurant there for awhile. With the NBA finals over, there were not much sports related activities going on. 

His physique appeared smaller in person and his hair was practically blond, and not the brunette hair color he described in his profile. I knew 10 minutes into the date that I really did not foresee a second date with him, because of the lack of physical attraction and the boredom factor. I should have listened to my gut and not gone out with him.

Two-thirds through the date, he asked me what I was doing the rest of the day. I thought it was a general question and not a means to find out if I could hang out longer. I responded, "I am not sure. I have some errands to run, but nothing too pressing." Wrong answer. He said, "Great. Do you want to play golf?" Given that I have never played golf before, I was intrigued. However, I pointed out that it was mid-day, about 100 degrees outside, and that I was wearing open toed heeled sandals. He claimed that the course was shaded and that he would teach me. 

I regretted saying yes to golf the moment I agreed. When the check came for brunch, I did the obligatory offer routine and to my surprise, he accepted my credit card. This was a first date and he asked me out! He then said, "Well, I think my meal was more expensive than yours, so I think I should get the tip." After an awkward moment of him staring at the bill and adding things up, I said, "Lets just split it." I was annoyed, but I did not overtly show my disappointment in him. 

I met him at the public golf range and this time, I did not offer to pay for multiple reasons. It was cash only and I had one dollar on me. He did ask me if I had any money to pay for balls and I handed him my remaining dollar in my purse. What nerve, right? 

When we were in the golf store, he discovered that I was left handed. Yet, when we were on the course, he instantly tried to convert me to playing right handed. As a novice, I said ok. In his effort to teach me or to get up on me, he positioned himself behind me and tried to show me the basic form. Given the heat index, I did not want anyone touching me on the backside, unless they were Bradley Cooper or Ryan Gosling.   

I have to admit, I am actually pretty good at the game for a beginner. It only took me three or four strokes for each hole.  Halfway through the fouth hole, I was dripping with sweat, and clearly uncomfortable, so I finally told him I needed to call it quits after that hole. When we said goodbye, I said, "I am not going to hug you, because I am pretty sweaty." Without leaving me much time to back away, he simultaneously hugged me and responded with, "That does not matter, we are both sweaty." I literally could smell his body odor. I guess Axe body spray can only withstand so much heat and activity. Conclusion: We never spoke again. 

Morals of the story:

1 ) Always say you are busy the rest of the day if you do not want to prolong a date. 

2) Stick to your gut instinct and cancel a date (with proper head's up) when in major doubt.

3) Never agree to an outdoor non-water activity when it is over 100 degrees and you are in heels.  

4)  High % of profile compatibility is not the end all. Do not only date people that meet your check list.

I hope you got a good laugh out of my bad date. If you have a story you would like to share with Love Kudos, please write in.  

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