Sunday, September 18, 2011

Dating: How to Handle Rejection with Dignity and Integrity


Written by Lauren K. of Love Kudos
with Commentary by Lindsay K.

All of us have faced rejection at some point in our lives. Rejection comes with taking risks, and without taking risks in life, you are seldom going to achieve success in dating, friendships, or work. How do we define rejection? The dictionary says, “dismiss as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one’s taste.” No one likes to feel dismissed, inadequate or inappropriate.

However, we do not all live in Disney Land. Even Tenley Molzahn from the Bachelor had to experience rejection from Jake Pavelka before she rode up to her Castle (The Bachelor Pad) to find love with Kiptyn Locke. She is so lucky that Jake rejected her to find true love.
I admit that I have experienced and dealt out my fair share of rejections this past year in dating. I am proud of the way I have handled my dismissals and want to share some best practices with you men and women out there. Unfortunately, I have been disappointed with and taken aback by the immature behavior I have witnessed from guys lately that I have rejected.

This is not a break up guide. Different topic and different protocol accompanies breaking up. This is about how to handle rejection with dignity and integrity. Although it may not appear that women experience rejection at the beginning of dating, because we are not usually the hunters, we do. When a crush is not reciprocated or a guy asks out our friend over us, we feel dejected and REJECTED. How should we handle this?

Case Studies:


I have quite a few guy friends, some of which are former flings or x-boyfriends. This particular guy did not fall into either of these categories. I really consider him just a platonic friend. Jasper* and I have been friends for a few months and is a few years younger than me.  To read the rest of the case study, click here.

At the beginning of online dating, everyone is just trying to get to know each other and all behaviors are magnified and scrutinized. We make judgment calls with very little data and sometimes decide prematurely that we "like" someone. Well, this happened to me recently with someone that lived a couple of hours away. To read this case study, click here.


Yes, I get rejected too. I went on a date recently that I felt went really well, but just knew at the end that it was not a completely mutual match. After a two hour plus lunch date, he dropped me off at my car and said, "Take care." I gave him a befuddled look and then he said, "Talk to you soon." It was coerced and had a pretty good indication that he would not be talking to me soon. However, that was the right thing to say given that I was not content with his subtle rejection of "Take care." I was afraid that maybe I had done something wrong in the last ten minutes of the date to offend him, so I decided to send out a feeler text a few days later inquiring if he found any furniture. He went shopping for furniture directly after our date. What is the worst that can happen, he does not respond? I could handle that.

He ends up writing me a really nice rejection email on Take notes guys and girls.

Thanks for the text. I did find a few places that had some great furniture after we met and will make a final decision when I get back from my trip. How was your pool party? By the way, you have one of those smiles you could get lost into over and over again. That said, I am concerned that we are so opposite with regards to our personality type. I am an introvert and not sure I could keep up with you with your very active lifestyle.

I responded with a text saying "Thank you for your email. I wish you felt differently, but that is why it is dating. Best of luck." His positive rejection email got him a date recommendation. I am setting him up with someone I know and hope that they are a better match.

Lindsay K. adds that rejection can be a useful starting point to explore and learn more about yourself.  Why did the rejection occur?  Was it just not a match?  Or did I do something that sabotaged a future with him/her? With each person you meet, dating or just friends, it gives you the opportunity to learn something about someone else AND yourself.  If you are not learning from the lessons of rejection and making the same mistakes over and over again, then you are wasting your time and others.

You can also reflect on why YOU rejected someone. Where they not tall enough? Did they not bring your flowers?  I have gone on many first dates, but I wonder if I was too quick to judge or was my gut instinct right.

Lauren K. says with each rejection, it brings us one step closer to finding someone that is a better fit. If the rejection is always one way, perhaps you need to reevaluate your dating methods and screening techniques.

Please remember to buy your tickets for the bat cruise and come to the after party fundraiser to support Bastrop Wildfires and Love Kudos. Contact us if you have any questions about these events in Austin.

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