Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Facebook Dating and Those Who Hide Behind Social Media

Written by Lindsay K. of Love Kudos

Forget all those other online dating websites like Match.com, Okcupid.com, Jdate.com, and Plentyoffish.com. Those websites are so 2010!  And who needs to talk on the phone anymore, when you got texting and IM?  Become a a young hipster and join the world of facebook dating(SARCASM)
 So, how do you Facebook date?  I can't disclose all of my secrets, but I want to talk about why people hide behind social media, like Facebook and Twitter.

You finally meet a cutie at a party or social event, found them on Facebook and friended them.  Once they accept your FB request, you can then spend hours viewing their pictures, seeing which groups they joined, their friends and their endless wall of conversations.  You don't have to ask for their number or take them out on a date and buy them drinks and dinner. And you can still be in your pajamas!

Now, all you have to do is wait for the perfect time (without any major distractions) when you are both online and you can start the Instant Message (or Email) Dating cycle!   You can spend months and months IM'ing and never have to physically see them. It is a great way to get the ball rolling and the juices flowing. However, when you are not face to face, you miss out on the actual chemistry.  Once you spend some quality time together, you will really see if you are compatible on other levels. 

Why Instant Message or Email Dating fails after a certain point?
  • Hinders Interpersonal Communication Skills
According to Derek Opina, in his 2009 article from the Daily Titan,  "It amazes me that most people don’t realize that by choosing not to talk directly to someone, they are hindering their interpersonal communication skills.  They hide behind that wall of text because they don’t want to go too deep. They are scared of rejection and would rather run like a pooch than face rejection head-on. Technological luxuries such as text messaging and the Internet hinder the development of interpersonal communication.

"Men hide behind texting and social networking sites when trying to communicate with women so much that when they try to talk to women in person they screw up. Their ability to speak confidently has withered away. Their body language shifts and they don’t know what to do with their hands when they don’t have the luxury of “time to think of what to say” that technology provides.

"Women, don’t think you get off so easily. Women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire have contributed to hindering their communication skills. These magazines give them “advice” like, “don’t answer his first couple phone calls,” which only adds to the decline of their social skills. That’s why they are just as nervous to answer the phone as men are to call them. Thus, the reason why they ultimately prefer texting."

Other Examples of Failure:
  • Sarcasm and other expressions don't come through.  
  • Lack eye contact and physical touching.
  • Some words get lost in translation. 

Focus on Return on Investment (ROI)

There are many articles from a business standpoint should could be relayed onto the dating world.  The article, Social Media Engagement: 15 Tips to Quit Hiding Behind the Avatar offers several tips.  #5 Focus on Return on Investment (ROI). "If you have already created the profiles then why the heck are you sittin’ on them? Social media isn’t about making pretty things and letting them rot in the lurker closet. By the time you get it ,it might be old school and old news. Get it out there."  

I agree, focus on the the return on your investment (your-self.)  If you are sitting at home on your computer all day and all night, then you are never really putting yourself out there. You are missing the potential to talk with future lovers.

I am waiting for a Facebook app of dating, but until then we will just have to wait for Mark Zuckerman to read Love Kudos for the idea.  For now, you can try our version, LK's Playbook (Singles in Action). Join today. Also, check out out online dating directory Currently, we do not have an application fee and barring any criminal activity, you will be accepted to our membership.

Gotta go! Time to meet my date! ~Lindsay

1 comment:

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