Sunday, June 13, 2010

Summer Lovin' or Summer Single?

Written by Lauren K. of Love Kudos

Summer Break-Up Season has Commenced ...

It seems to be break up season for some of my closest friends and I have to wonder why. Does summer breed temptation of a different magnitude? In my personal experience, I tend to start dating people in the fall and break up with them right after the winter ends. I need my men during hibernation. I am a summer lovin' type of girl and seem to meet guys in May and break up with them right around the 4th of July. I guess when the fireworks heat up,  a different kind of fire is ignited in my relationships. wrote a stream of consciousness that I can relate to, "We can maybe ascribe some sort of symbolic 'new beginnings' thing to spring, but autumn is all about getting secure for winter -- and winter is about making it through to spring. So, if you're thinking about breaking up with your significant other, now's probably the time, ... in the summer."
With all the outdoor barbecues, tubing adventures, visits to Hula Hut, summer share homes in the Hamptons and Dewey Beach, camping trips, and pool/boat parties, you're bound to meet all the women and men you can handle, right?

The summer break up can occur for many reasons and one of them is for practicality.  For many college students, it just seems natural to break up or agree to date other people over the summer, rather than subject themselves to painful long-distance relationships. With summer internships, camp counselor jobs, and study abroad experiences, there can be a surge of ways to test your devotion to your exclusive relationship. I was a camp counselor and can distinctly remember how lame I thought one of the female counselors was, because she relegated her entire free time around when she could talk to her boyfriend, another camp counselor halfway across the country. Meanwhile, I also remember thinking very little of a male co-counselor who cheated on his girlfriend who he professed his love for many times over. The combination of alcohol and the beach has a way of increasing your chances of infidelity. This is not a fact, just my opinion.

For selfish reasons, many high school relationships tend to end right after prom, allowing them to play around and be non-committal for the summer before they embark on their college adventures.


Two weeks ago, I was casually dating a guy locally and we decided to be friends. We did not "break up", because we were never exclusive. However, during our define the relationship (DTR) discussion, he did use the phrase, "I just don't want a girlfriend right now." Can I attribute this excuse or reason to the summer season, maybe or  maybe not? He is new to town. On my end, I just thought our relationship was not really progressing, so I thought it was better to be friends for now and see if sparks fly later on when we know each other on a deeper level. I said, "Lets be friends with open possibilities." Men, how do you interpret that? I have asked around and apparently I sent mixed messages. Most people thought it meant "friends with benefits" and not how I intended it to be interpreted.

My intended message was, "Today we are friends and tomorrow we might be more when the timing is right."

If you are in a committed relationship in the summer, how can you be free to have your "summer fling"? I am not advocating someone break up if you are in a loving, mutually exclusive relationship simply because we are approaching the summer solstice. I am merely suggesting that you should not rush in to becoming exclusive with anyone you begin dating in the summer, because there is a greater chance of infidelity. In the winter, we tend to prolong mediocre relationships, because we want a date for New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day, but in the summer, we don't have those holiday pressures. Who really needs a date for the 4th of July, right?

Laura Gilbert, a freelance writer from New York says, "Our country's freedom isn't the only thing worth saluting this 4th of July."

Here are some reminders of why being single can be a real blast this summer from Love Kudos and other sources:

  • You get to go to parties and barbecues without worrying that the person you lugged with you is bored, annoyed, or getting embarrassingly drunk. (And you get to flirt with every hot prospect there!)

  • You can plan an all-girls or all-bros trip to Vegas or Miami and actually have a base tan before you get there. You don't have to completely edit all of your pictures on Facebook to remove the somewhat flirtatious pictures with other men or women.

  • You can try all five of Cold Stone Creamery's July-only flavors... twice... before noon... and not have to hide the fact that you ruined your appetite for lunch.

  • Your friends all instinctively make you their "...and guest" when they go to an event. You get prime invites to concerts (especially popular during the summer), weddings (ditto) and other ticketed events every time someone's significant other has to bail.

  • If a past flame decides to road trip through your city, you can hang out with them without feeling guilty or needing to justify your actions.

  • If you're lucky, you can have a real live Grease One "summer fling" on a beach vacation. Where is my Danny? Hopefully, he will not end up in your graduate program, law school, or company in the fall.
    What should you do if you suddenly become single this summer? Live it Up as the Black Eyed Peas do. Of course, give the proper mourning to the relationship. If you have many mutually friends with your X, I would advise you come up with a system with him or her for events to avoid being stuck on a boat with him or her expectantly. Unless of course you want one more opportunity for a last fling or fight, depending on the outcome of your relationship. Don't rush into becoming friends with your X too fast, but also do not be too hasty with that defriends option.

    * - This blog is not about a particular couple. It is not intended to offend anyone or poke fun at breaking up in any way.

    Do you have a love story or break up story that you want to share? Write in to Love Kudos.

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    *Picture from for Grease One.

    1 comment:

    G said...

    "Lets be friends with open possibilities." means friends with benefits to a guy. Don't even try to call him after 10 PM because he'll think it's a booty call. Phrases used on me include "We'll see what fate has in store" or "Let's see other people and down the line who knows if we choose to see each other as more than friends." All lame. The truth is men can't go from sleeping with a woman to hanging out with the guy she's sleeping with now without a break in between.
    If a guy says "I just don't want a girlfriend right now" it means he doesn't want to commit to you and he either wants variety or thinks he can do better. Don't hang around to be the default girl when he realizes he made a mistake.

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