Is She a Gold Digger or Just Old Fashioned?

A Response to the "Check Dance" from Guest Blogger, Kevin Blanchard

As a modern/progressive single guy, I was happy to see your encouragement that the girl offer to pay tip or for the next date in your "Do's and Don'ts" suggestions. While I do realize even the most independent and modern girl usually expects at least a first date covered by the guy even in this day and age, as a guy I hate to feel like a piggy bank. Not that I mind spending the money, but usually if a girl hasn't offered to pay for something (even if its just ice cream after dinner) by the 3rd date, it sets off the gold digger alarm. I grew up in the Northeast, so that may have something to do with it. I know girls down in the south tend to be a bit more old fashioned, but if they are a gold digger or so old fashioned they don't feel they ever have to pay for a date, then it's probably not the girl for me anyway. When I look for a girl to share my life with and be in a relationship with, I'm looking for a partner and an equal.

I used to say relationships are 50/50, but more recently I have realized that relationships are 100/100. The cooking, cleaning, emotional, financial. It all needs to get done. It's not "my" job to provide those things, it's not "her" job to provide those things, it's "our" job. It's team work.

When I am getting serious with a girl, these are the traits I look for. I don't expect anything from her that I wouldn't do for myself and visa versa. These feelings I have just conveyed also apply for matters of the heart too. Of course, balance is the key. A little give and take depending on where each person is in their life.

- Edited by Lauren K. of the Love Kudos Duo -

 
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Alert: Red Flag Warning!

Your brain or heart just issued a red flag warning.  This intuition that we sometimes get during our interactions with others indicates that that this person is trustworthy, a creep, or someone worth giving a second look. Intuition is defined as: 1a. The act or faculty of knowing or sensing without the use of rational processes; immediate cognition or b. Knowledge gained by the use of this faculty; a perceptive insight.   2. A sense of something not evident or deducible; an impression.

How should you act on this information in the dating world?  Drawing from real world examples, such as Trevor in the Dinner for Sex blog entry, I noted the red flags with him: awkward phone conversations, a text insinuating I should pay my share for dinner, and then the misjudgment of sending an inappropriate text, "I would pay for dinner, but then you'd have to sleep with me :)."  His actions proved he was lacking social skills and frankly, did not exhibit behavior that I was willing to put up with. 

Listen to your gut feelings and end any further contact with this person.

Intuition is there for a reason, 
so use it!

The following is a list of examples of red flags:

• not making eye contact
• telling little lies that are not for the benefit of both parties 
• making rude dominating comments/requests
• uses alcohol or drugs excessively
• talks incessantly about their ex-girl/boy friend
• tells you their traumatic life story on the first date
• drives a flashy car or has extravagant clothes, but doesn't have the income or job title to back it up

- Lindsay K.  from the Love Kudos Duo LKx2-
 Edited by Lauren K. 

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Pigs are flying!

  A Personal Account from Lindsay K.

I am happy to report that after kissing (or dating) many frogs, I might have found a good one.  The first date with my prospective guy (from match.com) was a lunch date mid-week.  Surprisingly, he asked at the beginning of the date if he could pay for lunch, and he didn't expect sex in return.  Conversation flowed and he appeared to be a really stable, sincere guy.  I found him attractive and it appeared that the interest was mutual. At the end of lunch, he asked me if I wanted to see him again.  I nervously said, “Yes.” (Is it possible I finally met a normal guy?) I think pigs are flying.

He followed up the next day with a text for the second date. He wanted to make sure we were still on for the weekend, as well as let me know he had a good time at lunch.  He gave me the option of meeting at the Chinese restaurant or picking me up.  I usually don’t disclose my address in fear of someone being a stalker, but I got a good vibe from him, plus the restaurant was on the way to pick me up.  My instinct was further confirmed when he met my cat, Frankie, who was eager to meet him.  I use Frankie as my litmus test, since the last time my ex came over, he hid under the bed and refused to come out.  Even the smell of turkey couldn't lure him out from under the bed.

 

The date ended appropriately with a couple of smooches and future plans to go bowling the next week.  This frog has prince-like features. Only time will tell though. Readers, stay tuned. 

Just for fun ...

- Lindsay K.  from the Love Kudos Duo LKx2-

 Edited by Lauren K. 

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Seeking online dating success stories. Please e-mail them to lovekudos@gmail.com. Please indicate if you would like your story posted anonymously or with your identity revealed. It can be a story of a friend or family member.